Monday, June 27, 2011

A Pubic Service Announcement

We have reached critical mass, guys. With all the different social media and sharing sites out there, there is FAR too much information being shared. Primarily, I'd like to address the troubling situation that involves men (typically politicians and professional athletes) sending pictures of their, um, twig and berries to women they are not married to. Guys? I want to take a minute and let you in on a little secret. No girl wants to open up their phone or Twitter account and find an unwelcome naked picture of you. I promise you...No one. So, please, for the love of everything that is good in this world, Stop Taking And Sending Pictures of Your Tiddleywink To Women (especially if you are CHEATING on someone else to do it).

I'm not quite sure where or why this horrible phenomenon started. You'd think if ONE powerful, well-known guy gets caught with his pants down, these guys would think twice about tweeting their tweeter. (Anthony Weiner, I'm looking at you.) I mean, COME ON! It's the dumbest thing you could ever do. Those pictures are the Fanny Packs of over-sharing. They're tacky, very ugly, and you just do NOT want photographic evidence of you showing it off.

I listened to a podcast lately, where one of the guys was pondering the infamous Weinergate, and he asked, “Do girls like that? I mean, do they open up an X-rated picture and be like ‘Oooh, that’s nice!’?” The answer is, of course, NO. It’s disturbing. I imagine these women – whoever they are unlucky enough to be – thinking “Ooh, a text message from Brett Favre?! Score! I can’t wait to see what he has to…ohmygod. Oh no. What IS that!? EW! What would possess him to send…oh, nasty. Seriously. I have to show this to every one of my girl friends STAT so that the burning sensation in my eyes is dispersed. Ugh, seriously. I can’t…why would he…was this on purpose? And, ohmygod, are those CROCS?! My eyes!! MY EYES!"

The point I’m desperate to make here is that I can’t believe adult men – who are in power or the public eye - can’t seem to figure out that sending X-rated pictures of themselves to random women to is not only WRONG but just very tasteless. It’s like texting a picture of a beer can tower you made in college – you may be very pleased with yourself, but I assure you, no one else cares, and chicks certainly don’t think it’s very impressive.

Remember a few years ago when we couldn't go five days without hearing about some celebutante getting out of her car and flashing the whole world because she couldn't be bothered to slip on a pair of Jockeys? Yeah, that got very old very quickly. But (in most cases) they weren't doing it ON PURPOSE. And they were young, stupid girls. Not grown, married men who just don't know how to use their smartphones.

Yeah, this has just been annoying me so much lately. Is it THAT difficult to expect these leaders to just be decent men? For a LONG time I've been quizzing my friends to come up with ONE famous woman who has gotten caught cheating on their husband/boyfriend because of a carelessly sent text, because I didn't want to appear sexist here. But no one has come up with ANYONE. Either woman are better liars, which could very well be, or we are just flat out smarter and more moral than our male counterparts. (Truth be told, we couldn't even think of any famous woman who has CHEATED on her beau - if you can think of one, let me know. It's been driving us all berzerk.)

Anyway, it feels good to get that off my chest. I've been so annoyed by the stupidity of these dummies. So I guess here's my advice to anyone (man or woman) who thinks of putting out photographic evidence of your infidelity and idiocy: If you find yourself in a situation where you get that instinct, like “Hey, I think this is a good time to stick my phone down my pants and snap a pic!” PUT THE PHONE DOWN AND WALK AWAY. It's NOT going to be as cool as you think it is. It's going to be terrible for your rep and only opens the door for late night comedians to mock you mercilessly.

Now you know, and knowing is half the battle.

5 comments:

JessiferSeabs said...

Im dying laughing over this. I keep saying that the part that disturbs me the most about the Weiner scandal is that he wasn't smart enough to make up a fake twitter handle, furthering my solid belief that old people shouldn't Tweet.

As for Farrrrrrrrrrrrve, Mike and his best friend and I once spent a whole night dying with laughter over the fact that not only was he gross / dumb / egotistical enough to think that some chick wanted to see this but that he was wearing crocs in the picture. I think that's the definition of giving up.

Pharon Square said...

Hahahah! "I think that's the definition of giving up." You could NOT be more right, Jess!

Regarding Weiner (Anthony): I just can't get over the brashness and self-indulgence of his actions. He took, like, a bunch of pics right? And sent them through TWITTER? Really? Really, guy?

Men like that are so irritating. I'm bugged out that they are the ones who get to decide who can and cannot get married, but they can't even figure out Twitter. Talk about being out of touch...

sarahabt said...

OH MY GOD! Hysterical!! If more own husband sent me a picture of his twigs and berries I would be grossed out!! hahahhaha

I do not understand the women and no underwear...don't they know underwear serves a purpose...I will not get into that detail though...

Madeline Solien said...

1) Meg Ryan is the only woman I can think of who was caught cheating..I'll keep working on it
2) I had the thought yesterday that I'm really glad no one is paying attention to me when I get out of my car in a skirt (and a good thing I wear underwear)cause I cannot get out of a car without flashing..

Pharon Square said...

Whoa! MEG RYAN got caught cheating? When? With whom? How'd she get caught?! Dish, sista, dish!!

I feel the same way about getting out of cars....I'm the least graceful person I know!