Thursday, June 9, 2011


Dear Apple,

I hereby declare that you are extremely annoying. Your consumers are rabid fans who toe the line between loving appreciation and eternal, murderous devotion. You superior attitude is nothing short of blasphemy. Your stupid commercials make me angry, your obsession with marketing iEverything as iSomething is iIrritating. I'm pretty sure you could release the latest stupid operating system called Poopstain and people would line up around the block to get a shot at getting their hands on the $hitty product. Your "genius bar" is dumb, and your employees, despite the ease with with they ring up products on their iPhones, are irritatingly upbeat.

That said, I'm going to smash my non-Apple computer against the iWall.

I sat here for over 45 minutes while my computer was PREPARING to "configure Windows." I was also directed to "Not turn off my computer." Guess what, PC? I turned it off anyway and restarted it because I'm not getting any younger. Nothing blew up, nothing was lost, but it took a good 5 minutes to start the stupid thing up again (but that's just par for the course). What's with all the meaningless threats, PC?

My computer, which is super new, and has a giant awesome screen, and a full number pad, and runs Google Chrome like a dream (vs. the horribly horrible Safari that Apple just slaps into everything) is definitely not a piece of crap. It's awesome. To get a screen this big on a Mac, I'd have to pre-sell my first-born child and probably a kidney. So, yeah, I love it most of the time. However, it runs Windows. Sure it's Windows 7, and everything's supposed to be super kosher at this point, but no. It's terrible and a far cry from user-friendly. During the 45 minutes I got suckered into waiting for my computer to simply finish "preparing" to do something, I had a thought. Microsoft should steal Apple's operating systems, and then NOT market it as some holier-than-thou status symbol. It'd have all the power of Apple products, and none of the overly obsessive marketing.

But seriously, I think I really need a Mac. I see Geo and Sanna and Tina (ALL of whom have a Mac) flip open their computers and just get to work. I, on the other hand, have to wait for Windows to 1) Run a diagnostics test 2) Automatically restart and then 3) Run into major problems upon starting back up. I get that stupid black screen that's all "Oh no, something's wrong. We don't know what it is, but it's going to be a very serious thing that will take a very serious amount of time to fix, even though it's actually NOTHING."

Meanwhile, my roommates have each watched a movie and then bought a few songs. I'm the shlub staring at the happy blue screen, telling me to "wait a moment".

I don't even like iPhones. I hate the non-real keyboard. But I'm about 2 seconds from running over my Blackberry with my car on my way to buy an iPhone. It's the worst phone ever. Plus, I tried to download the "weather app" but the whole thing froze and then shut down and I lost all my pictures. That's like, not right.

I feel conflicted, you guys. Everyone who owns an Apple phone or computer (I DO have the iPod Touch...I'm not a neanderthal) is just such a jerk about everything. You freaks overshadow the simple fact that Apple makes superior products. Apple iSpazzes freak out over any little thing that company does. I still don't even see the point in an iPad.

But, my computer - no, not my COMPUTER, but WINDOWS - is making me mental. I've been writing this blog for exactly 42 minutes and my battery is almost dead because Windows basically runs everything automatically in the background. I've gotten 4 error messages telling me everything is just going ballistic, and I'm just clicking "Cancel" like my life depends on it. So far, nothing has actually GONE WRONG. Thanks for the zillion warnings, Windows. You're like the computer who cried wolf.

So, I'm still conflicted. I would like the ease and functionality of a Mac computer. But I also refuse to count myself as one of those Apple iFreaks. Blurg! The good news is I don't have a kidney or child to sell, so as of now, the choice to abstain from going to the dark side is out of my hands. I assure you, though, if/when I DO get a Mac, I will NOT be the toolbag bowing down to it's excellence. I'll be the girl who covers up the Apple logo with a symbol of a fist or something. Until then, I just hope my computer will make it to the end of this post.

Have a great weeken

1 comment:

PRJL said...

Well, as a hardcore iSpaz, it sounds to me like you are on the brink of greatness. I see an iMac in your near future...

That said, check this out. It's free and it's (in one sense of the term), "halfway" between windows and mac.

It's a free operating system so you don't have to use windows. And it's based on the same kind of stuff the mac operating system is...