Dear Crabby

You asked, I'm answering! Awaaaaaaaaaay we go!

Dear Crabby,

What do you think about long-distance relationships? Is it worth it? Have you ever had one? All my friends say it's really hard and they usually don't work. But my boyfriend is living in Colorado for work, and I want to know what I might be in for...

Thank you!
-Go the Distance?

Dear Go the Distance,

Dude, there are tons of different kinds of long-distance relationships. I'm pretty sure none of them are ever like, easy. But if you guys are committed to each other and to making it work, then there's no reason it shouldn't. But distance creates a whole batch o' new problems that probably didn't exist if/when you lived near each other. Some couples can deal, some can't. I've had quite a few friends who had to do long-distance for at least SOME part of their relationships. Some are together and better than ever, some hope to never see each other again. There's no real rule to making it work, I guess. And if there is, maybe not everyone can follow the rule. I don't know. I've never had to do a distance thing, but it doesn't sound fun. Whatever you do, I guess just make sure you both are on the same page and you communicate. If you can't do that, no amount of Skype dates will make it last.

Dear Crabby,
I have a friend who is smart, fun, funny, creative, good-hearted, sensitive and all around great. Everyone loves to be around her. The problem is she is always putting herself down and doesn't seem to appreciate how terrific she is. What can I do to help her see what everyone else sees--a GREAT person!

Signed,
A girl's best friend

Dear GBF,

Well, it sounds like you're pretty dope yourself, GBF! Everyone likes to have a friend who can see all the good crap about them, so that's pretty cool of you. I don't know what her problemo is. Ideally, everyone would be totally self-aware and self-assured all the time. But realistically, that'a kind of impossible. Would you rather she went around bragging all the time? Talking non-stop about everything she lurves about herself? Nah. That's an extremely lame character trait. But okay, the real problem seems to be the "putting herself down". If she does it a lot and like for no reason, then she probably has some weirdo deep issues. If she does it to be funny, or to make a point or something, chances are she's just more comfortable not standing out and doesn't mind poking fun at herself. Plus, she knows that not only can she dish it out, she can it too - she's not going to take anything the wrong way. Knocking yourself down a little is a pretty human tendency, but yeah it can get annoying after awhile. Hopefully if you just remind her every once in awhile to take it easy, she'll get the point. That, or find her a therapist.

Dear Crabby,

I'm in a FUNK these days. Got any quick pick-me-up tips??

Stanks,
Debbie Downer

Dear Debbie Downer,

Nothing is more annoying than being in a "funk". I guess there's lots of ways to perk yourself up. I personally like watching super dumb, funny, pointless movies. Or dancing around in my room to Britney to get the blood flowing. Sometimes I like to just spend time with friends and try and let it go for an hour or two and see if that shakes it up. Lots of people go workout or something, but I can't speak on that. Working out doesn't exactly cheer me up because I just end up sore and out of breath and sweaty and gross. Make or do something that you're proud of. Accomplish a little task. Spend some time doing something you love, whether it's shopping or playing guitar or something like that. I don't know. Does any of that help? If not, maybe just try and solve one tiny little problem you're having and just keep digging away until you feel better. It'll take some work, but you can do it. Or, you know, sometimes it just passes. Or maybe just take some Midol or something (sorry, that was a "guy" joke). Good luck, Downer! I hope you feel better!

Whoa, guys! Those were, like, serious questions! I got nervous just TRYING to answer them! I didn't even want to be all snarky and rude, either! I like just really wanted to HELP! Hopefully I did that! Next week, let's do some funny ones, deal? Email your most embarassing or hilarious problems to pharonsquare@gmail.com and I'll get back to what I do best: fake advice for crazy problems. Say word...

I totes can't find a good relevant song here, so I'm just going to play something dumb and silly and just show you guys something that always makes me laugh...Epic Meal Time. Enjoy!