Thursday, June 30, 2011

Panic! At the Disco (And By "Disco", I Mean "Mall")

Nothin' like a couple good panic attacks to bring on the weekend! I took a much needed afternoon off and spent the day with my mom and Prinna at the good ol' Mall of America. YAY! Shopping! Air conditioning (it was 100 freakin' degrees today)! Relaxing time with the girls!

Strike that. It was decidedly NOT relaxing.

Okay, first of all, we're meandering along, chit chatting, and then this guy steps up to us and is all "Hey, we're fashion school students, and we're doing some little on-camera interviews for a project. Would you guys want to help us out?" Me? In a FASHION project? Yes please! We walked over to the camera, he wired Prinna up with a mic and we stood there all cool as cucumbers. Then, the camera guy flips on his camera and my bones freeze up. All I can do while they're asking us questions is to giggle uncomfortably, and, with silent urging, deferred all questions to Prinna. She kept nudging me, being like "Uh, helloooo?! Am I alone in this? Do you speaky English?!" And I just sweated profusely and giggled the WHOLE TIME. Prinna, though, was a pro.

So the camera thing ends, and we continue on our way. I'm babbling and giggling like an idiot, and Prinna is like "So, they like never got a waiver or our names or anything. Was that weird?!" And I was all "I couldn't feel my face the WHOLE TIME!" So, that was, uh, terrifying.

We continue shopping. I'm looking for a swimsuit, so I may as well be looking for a human torture chamber. Which, coincidentally, we find! Folks? Unless you are Heidi Klum, do NOT shop at Everything But Water. (Sidenote: I WANTED to go to J.Crew to get a suit, but we discover upon walking in that they don't even HAVE swimsuits in their stores anymore! Just online! RUDE!) Okay, so back to the nightmare that was Everything But Water.

First, let me state that it was an unfortunate decision I had made this morning to put on World's Most Annoying Outfit. I had a side-zip dress, with a ribbon belt, a tank top, and a cardigan. It took 45 minutes to get the whole mess off.

Okay, so I manage to find a few suits I'd like to try on. I go on over to the fitting rooms/torture chambers and discover that they don't even have LOCKS ON THEIR FITTING ROOM DOORS, which would negate the "Everything But..." part of their store name. Prinna and my mom are trying to be very helpful, but in that lockless fitting room it is just me and the swimsuits. The showdown begins.

So I finally wrestle my way into what turns out to be a pretty durn cute suit (still constantly afraid of the unlockable door). I'm feeling pretty good with it. I call to my mom and Prinna to come and scope it out, and I push open the door like 3 inches only to come face-to-face with the very nosy salesgirl. "Oh, hi," says I. She's all bubbly and teeny and a liar. "LOVE that suit on you! So cute!" Ugh. Lies. Whatever. I'm on a mission, lady. So Prinna and my mom like the suit. I get into aggressive arguments with try on a few more suits. We all agree the first was the best. Really? All that other work for NOTHING!?

I'm trying to work my way back into my dress (oh yeah, the fitting room is approx. 2 feet by one foot big) and I can hear my mom and sister calling my name. I'm completely panicked, thinking one of them is about to whip open the lockless door, and can't get my arms in the arm holes right, and I'm getting tangled up in the ribbon belt, and I keep smooshing myself against the mirror. Mercifully, I finally exit the dressing room, sweating and angry. The suit is completely ridiculously expensive, but we just get it so I can get the H.E.double-hockey-sticks out of there.

Here's where Everything But Water could improve their store. One: put locks on the doors, jerks. Women are almost NAKED, and poorly lit, in there. Geez. Two: Serve wine before anyone tries on anything. Three: Don't call yourself "Everything but Water" when the ONLY thing you sell is swimsuits. The incorrectness of the store name just made me more mad.

BUT! I got a new suit, and I LUUUURVE it! Despite the panic and anxiety and frustration it took to finally bring it home, it was worth it. This weekend, when I'm at my parents cabin with the fam, I'll be strutting around in all that hotness. So guys, even if you've had a crazy, panicky, stressful week full of random camera guys and patronizing saleswomen, I hope you all enjoy the long lovely weekend ahead!

1 comment:

Grandmaman said...

Will you send a pic?