Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Dear Crabby - EWWWW Edition!

Let's see how well this experiment works. Shockingly, many of you weren't foolish brave enough to email me your darkest, dirtiest questions, so we'll probably rate this first edition as PG-13. Enjoy!

Dear Crabby,

This isn't probably as tawdry as you were hoping. It IS embarrassing though, so I'll give it a shot. I'm a 27 year old girl, and I got a HICKEY on my neck from a date on Monday night. It's too hot to wear turtlenecks, so what other clever ideas do you have to hide it?!?

A Hickey Situation

Oh dear, Hickey Situation indeed! does an adult woman get a hickey anymore?! How did you not notice the sucking? Listen, hickeys are all fun and games when you're giving yourself one on your arm in 3rd grade, but once you've graduated from your training bra, it just isn't cool anymore. You should be sucking face, not necks. I guess you could put ice on it, or cover it up or whatever, but you'll probably still be self conscious. And if you sweat your cover-up makeup off, you're out of luck. I guess all you can do is wear one of those cute scarf shirt dealies. You know, they wrap around your neck and tie on the side, but they are sleeveless, so they are totes weather appropriate. Or maybe throw on a scarf. People seem to be wearing lots of scarves, no matter the weather - maybe they just all have hickeys, though. Other than that, you'll just have to hole up in your house alone until the little love bruise fades on it's own. Good luck, girl, and don't let it happen again!

Dear Crabby,

Is it REALLY that gross to not shave your legs as a woman? I mean, I love skirts and shorts, but I just do NOT see the need to shave. Guys don't have to, why should we!? Everyone tells me it looks gross, and I guess I SHOULD be embarrassed, but I'm not. What's the big deal??

Thanks for your input,

Okay, reader, I'm sorry but I had to give you that clever name. It's NOT okay to have hairy legs. Why not? I don't know, it's just so wrong. And, I mean, I hadn't shaved my legs for like over a week before this morning, so it's not like I'm all rigid and ruthless with the rules. However, I skip it out of pure laziness, not out of protest or because I like how it looks/feels to be all Amazonian. And you can bet your Bic that I feel much better having done it. Also, I wrote a blog once about how unfair it is that women have to shave so much and men don't. So, I get it. However, that doesn't mean we still shouldn't shave. Women's legs look more feminine and sleek when they are hairless, I guess. Hairy legs, much like a hairy face, give off a more masculine vibe. So, unless you're super into challenging societal norms, I suggest investing in some razors and giving your legs a much-needed breather. Your friends, and anyone you're playing footsie with, will thank you!

Dear Crabby,

Okay, I don't think this gross or embarrassing, but my sisters and girlfriend beg to differ (they love your blog, by the way...they're sure you'll take their side, but I don't think you will). I'm a dude. Sometimes, things get a little uncomfortable "down there" and I need to readjust. Especially in the summertime. It's human nature! I try and not be all obvious about it, but sometimes you just gotta take care of business, you know? (Okay, YOU don't know, but you know what I'm saying.) What do you think? Am I a neanderthal, or simply a product of my gender??

Show me some love,
Going Nuts

Hey Going Nuts,

Haha! I was SO glad to get a question like this! I love "guy problems". Okay, so several years ago, I would have sided with the ladies on this one. It's disgusting! But because I spend a loooooooooooot of time with guys, I was schooled in the frequent male behavior. The readjustment thing is just gnarly to have to see, okay? No one needs to be in on it with you. BUT someone (and I can't remember who, sadly) finally explained it to me in a very graphic, but helpful, way. People with weak stomachs should look away for the next sentence. I was told that I "would have to readjust to, if it felt like I had a piece of deli meat stuck to my leg all the time". Gross, right?! But, like, it makes sense. Despite the graphic nature of the description, it really is very helpful for a girl to understand the sensation. So, I totally get why guys have to do it. Having said that, it's still just NOT okay to be obvious about it. Try and keep it discreet and everyone's happy!

Well, what do you guys think? Too gross? Not gross enough? More importantly, did I actually HELP anyone? I think these questions are waaaaaaaaaay more fun than serious ones. I'd REALLY appreciate it if we could get another batch like these next week, too! Go ahead and set up an anonymous email account if you have to, and email me at Make 'em silly, serious, graphic, WHATEVER! I'm here to help, people!

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