Thursday, June 23, 2011

Don't Get Fresh

I have nothing of importance to add to the day. It was a blaaaahhhh day, punctuated only by Geo kicking me out of the house so he and his friends could play Settlers of Catan. Okay, he didn't technically KICK ME OUT, but a room full of dudes playing Settlers is basically my unspoken cue to leave the premises.

I went to Liz's to chill, and it was super fun. So this is very random, and I don't know WHY, but I kind of got stuck on a word today, and it's been driving me nuts with the horrible, terrible way people have been using it lately. So, whatever, here's a guide for when TO and when NOT TO use the following word:


Things that ARE fresh:

* New shoes (If they are, in fact, super fresh)
* Fruit (yum!)
* Laundry (sheets/towels)
* Attitudes (Word.)

Things that are NOT fresh:

* Meat (Gross - I want my meat DEAD for sure, and like, probably RECENTLY dead. But "Fresh Meat" only makes me think of the poor animal who was alive not 24 hours ago who had to give their life for my tasty, tasty burger.) Try instead: Trust Us, It's Safe Meat
* Batteries (People who say "fresh batteries" get on my nerves. Batteries are either full or dead. Not fresh or stale. Old batteries can work just as well as new batteries, as long as they are FULL.) Try instead: Full or new batteries.
* Fresh Step Kitty Litter (There is nothing "fresh" about an animal walking around in its own poop and pee. It's gross. It may SMELL better, or, like have less bacteria, but the sand in which a cat does her business is decidedly NOT FRESH.) Try instead: NOT the most disgusting product you could buy for a household pet.
* Breath. (Breath cannot be fresh. It can be clean, or minty, or garlic-free, but "fresh breath" is just not a real thing. Everyone's mouth is a steamy 98.6 degrees of hot, contagious bacteria. There's nothing "fresh" about it.)

Did I miss any? Guys, I don't know WHY "fresh" got stuck in my head today, but whatevs. It annoyed me. I guess it's just food for thought for the weekend. Don't say "fresh" when you mean something else is all. Okay, you guys have a stellar weekend, alright? And just don't get fresh with anyone...

1 comment:

sarahabt said...

good are funny and smart....

loved it!!