Wednesday, September 17, 2014

I'll Be Hair For You

I've been waiting my entire life for this, you guys. A lifetime of bowl cuts, ill-advised bangs, ineffective curling irons, split ends, fantastic shampoos, generic shampoos...I've spent years and probably hundreds of thousands of dollars on trying to do something with my hair. I've grown it out, chopped it off, colored it, stripped it...all in an effort to make my hair look even remotely fabulous.

It never worked. Nothing ever worked, because I have approx 10 strands of hair.

Until today. Today my life has been forever changed and I am officially a better person than you are now.

Because today, a package came. Probably from heaven. And inside the package was this life-changing miracle:


Ahhhh! SECRET EXTENSIONS!

I got obsessed with this product after yet another evening of watching too many infomercials. In this one, Daisy Fuentes and her pretty pals all have this fantastic hair and then they whip half of it out and voila! You see it's all thanks to Secret Extensions.

See, Secret Extensions involve, basically, a hair headband. The top half has no hair on it, but the bottom has all this real (looking) hair that pumps up any 'do. It's easy to put on, easy to take off, and guaranteed to make your hair look better than ever. I figured "Hey, Hip Hop Abs was surprisingly fun....why not go for broke?" So I did it. I ordered fake hair through the mail and just received it. I couldn't WAIT to try out my new life.

Here's the disgusting and entirely unimpressive Before:

Look at that heinously limp and sad hair!!!! PUKE! Now, let's slip on my Secret Extensions!


Oh, sorry, hold on. Garnier Fructis is calling me asking me how EVER did I get my hair to be so full and fabulous.

I don't care if you don't see the difference (which is what Geo has tried to argue). There is roughly 50% more hair tumbling down my shoulders. Here's the proof:

video


I love it. I love everything about having some strange hair from God-knows-where making my ponytail fatter and BETTER. I seriously LOVE Secret Extensions.

But...it didn't take more than 4 minutes of admiration before the true potential of this product hit me. Then these happened:





And then came some hilarious practical jokes:

 Shhh! I'm sleeping!!! PSYCH! I'm taking the picture!!

Waiter? There's a hair in my salad...

All in all, I had more fun with my fake hair in one night than I've probably ever had with all my hair products I've ever owned rolled together. And I've barely used it for it's intended purposes yet.

The only thing I have a little bit of issue with is that these extensions were made for adults. I have a toddler-sized head, so they're a tiny bit ill-fitting. But I figure that's a small price to pay for having the gift of thick, luxurious and fabulous hair. Oh, also, the hair DOES kind of fall out if you do stuff like make disguises with it.

I highly recommend this product. I plan on ordering another one that is a totally different color, actually, so I can change my hair to fit my look of the day. All told, these cost about $40-50, but if that's the price I pay to avoid knotting real extensions into my scalp, I'm  good with that.

Anyway, I'm pretty psyched that I actually bought something that delivered not only what it promised, but what I had been desperately hoping for. It's simple, it's effective. It's the Spanx of hair!

Now, when someone makes Secret 6-Pack Abs and Tiny Thighs, I'll be SUPER impressed.

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