Tuesday, September 9, 2014

Video Lames

I don't know the last time I woke up at 4 a.m. I remember the last time I went to BED at 4, but never has it been an hour at which I rise from slumber. It's stupid; it's insane; it's exactly what Geo did this morning. See, apparently a video game came out at midnight, called Destiny, and Geo got up before work to download it and play with his four XBox One-having friends. It's pathetic, right?

I was thinking about how dedicated these guys are to these video games. I mean, sure, I woke up and Skyped with my mom and sister to watch the Royal Wedding before dawn, but that was an HISTORIC event. Waking up early to play a video game is pretty much nonsense.

But he did it, and I did have a few brief moments before I raged against the machine that is Morning to think about my relationship with video games. It's been a tawdry affair, filled with weeks-long infatuation followed immediately by casual dismissal. 

It started with Nintendo. I played LOTS of Nintendo. Duck Hunt? Check. Super Mario Bros? Check. Other games I can't remember? Probably check.

But my true love was with Sega. I spent hours playing the Olympics and Sonic the Hedgehog with my brother Perek. We'd even make up lyrics to the instrumental songs on each level of Sonic. (That's right, LYRICS. A sample includes: "Must have been some magic in that old black haaaaat they found..." Shut up. It was musical genius.) I had as much fun WATCHING someone play as I did I playing. 

Then I never played video games because I was very cool and popular. (Also: No one invited me.) When Dance Central came out on the XBox, I thought life finally made sense because my worlds collided; dancing and scoring points hit all the right proverbial buttons for me. But no one wanted to play with me because, and I don't mean to brag but it must be said, I spent hours practicing the dance moves and got super good. (Oh, maybe I shouldn't brag about that?) Then I was just a grown-a$$ white woman dancing along to songs from the 70s in my living room while everyone else was being adults.

I had a brief and violent affair with Grand Theft Auto last year, and I remember Geo saying "Wow, so this is what it's like to have a video game compulsion...." I stopped because he moved the XBox downstairs and I can't be bothered to use stairs. 

So when I saw Geo playing his new game seconds after he took his tie and work pants off when he got home tonight, I sort of understood, but I also sort of thought that he is a loser. 

Here's the thing that no man/gamer will ever admit: Every single game that they love these days is exactly the same. Halo is the same as Battlefield, which is the same as Destiny (even though Destiny DOES have dance moves). It's all just shooting guns and then humping some stranger's head after you kill them. Snooze. At least I had VARIETY in my gaming obsessions. Perfecting diving techniques in the Olympics game was completely different from Sonic, and SUPER different from the sick moves in Dance Central.

Anyway, my point is that people are far too obsessed with video games, and as much as I have tried, I can't seem to muster enough interest in the hobby. What good is it to get so invested in some crazy fantasy world? Now, leave me alone because the rest of my night is dedicated to the Sons of Anarchy season premiere. 

1 comment:

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