Thursday, May 17, 2012


Well folks. Here we are. Knocking on the door of another weekend. It's not just "another" weekend, though. This is my last weekend sans Geo. I'm excited for him to come home, obvs, because there's a ton of stuff that is simply better with him here. Things like, oh, I don't know...planning a wedding? Besides that, I just am super pumped not to be the only single person in my group of friends anymore. The one girl ordering double cheeseburgers with extra onions with zero plans to work out and brush my teeth before bed. The pity invite to parties at our shared friends houses. The third wheel at everything. Plus, you know, he's my favorite person to be with, so that's a good thing.

So yeah, this is not just any other weekend. I am suddenly panicked, though. There was this episode of Sex and the City where those crazy gals talk about Super Secret Single behavior. You know, things you do when no one is around and no man is going to come knocking on your door to interrupt? Yeah. I've made those SSS behaviors my routine in the past year. Saying goodbye to sweatpants and an extremely lax shaving routine will be's SUMMER after all. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized how many bad behaviors have wriggled their way into my everyday life that I'll need to adjust accordingly.

For starters? I am 100% percent responsible for my social life right now. Geo does NOT like napping until 10 p.m. on a Friday and then heading over to Liz's to drink wine and talk about how much we hate the Kardashians. He also does not enjoy spending an hour researching shoes and then spending an afternoon shopping for said shoes. He will NOT be happy with my current "laundry" method, either. That consists of wearing clothes once, throwing them on the floor and never picking them up again until I've run out of outfits hanging in my closet. I have a carefully mapped out plan in my room. I know exactly what dress is covering which wedge sandal that makes a nighttime trip to the bathroom both dangerous AND exciting!

I have also gotten really attached to this scent thing. My cousin Katie sells these Scentsy doohickeys. They are pretty little jar things, and then you put wax in them, turn on a light, and the wax melts and is all deliciously aromatic. My current choice of waxy scents is basically a mix of estrogen and cucumbers. It's positively feminine. You know who doesn't like yummy smelling girl things? BOYS. They'd prefer candles of panther sweat and football cleats. I refuse to give up my right to make rooms smell like unicorn perfume.

Hey! And what about my Saturday nights?! I've gotten by for many months either wearing a wolf sweatshirt or buried under my covers reading Fifty Shades of Gray. And guess what! Sometimes, all a girl wants to do on a Saturday night is put on her high school prom dress, which she can't zip up anymore, and cry into a cheap bottle of wine while she pages through old scrapbooks, mourning the loss of her super fit bod. Where does Geo fit into all of that? I'll tell you where he fits...cowering in the corner, begging for mercy while I cry out "Why?! WHY do my hips look like this now?!"

Well, whatever. I guess I'll spend this weekend not doing laundry, drinking wine in my prom dress, and bathing in feminine-scented candles. I guess I have my work cut out for me. How will I fit that all into my busy schedule of avoiding responsibility!?

Anyway, I've got to get to work planning at least one day of day-drinking with some friends (another thing Geo isn't into). I should also carve out some time to violently oppose physical activity. What do you have planned this weekend?

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