Thursday, May 3, 2012

Female Dogs

You know what I did tonight? It's glamorous, let me warn you. First, I had delicious apps and a few brewskies with Kim and her friends Stefanie and Gretchen. Then I came home, chatted with my parents and gossiped with Prinna. But then - THEN! - the fun started.

The foster pups were following an ant tonight (I'll wait while you jot this down in your journal). They were literally trying to play with a tiny little ant. Sure, the puppies are each under five pounds, so I guess an ANT is their most appropriately-sized playmate.

I watched as they, like, alternatively lunged at the ant and tried to scare it or whatever. They'd sniff at it, and at one point, the ant got stuck on Punky's nose. I was all "I could get that off, but let's see how nature plays out..." Punky pawed at her nose, momentarily chased her own tail, and then finally sneezed the ant off her nose. Then Ellie got going.

Ellie would army-crawl up to the ant (who, I'm assuming, was just trying to carry an adorable blueberry out to his family so they could have an adorable picnic on a walnut or whatever) and then Ellie would just GROWL at the ant. The ant kept scurrying around, changing direction and just generally trying to get away.

Um, let us take a minute and think about what that ant was probably thinking. "WTF IS THIS GIANT BEAST?! Is it going to eat me? Is it going to trap me? Are we going to be friends? I don't know, I'm a tiny ant and this dog's nose is like the Hatch in Lost! What's going on!?"

Anyway, so yeah. I was still just sitting on the couch. Drinking a Summit and laughing way too hysterically at the dogs and the ant.

The dogs spent another 20 or so minutes sniffing around the ant. They followed it from the den to the dining room where the ant got crafty. He tried climbing up the wall. The dogs were all "Hey, get back here." I thought for SURE they were just going to lick the ant up and eat it and be done with it. Instead, Ellie swatted it off the wall with her tail - not on purpose.

So, I'm sitting here, watching this for way too long. I'm all thinking about apartments and venues and blogs and Geo and money and just stressing out. I started thinking about how fun it would be to be a tiny puppy. They had been spending 45 minutes chasing AN ANT. Dudes, an ant is like nature's crumbs. Pretty useless. But the dogs were having fun.

Then, for whatever reason, I stood up and just smooshed the ant. Right under my flip flop! I can't even explain why I did it! The dogs looked at me and tilted their heads like "WTF, dude?" and my heart broke. Their playmate was stuck to the bottom of my shoe and I was all "WHAT HAVE I DONE?!" I scraped the ant into the vent on the floor and the pups stared at the vent for like 10 seconds. Then they looked at me. Then back at the vent. Then back at me. Then they just decided to go play in the other room.

Is that disappointment I see in their wagging tails?

The moral of this story is that I'm a bitch. Sorry, pups.


Liz T said...

I can't believe you killed the ant!!! :(

Sarah said...

Have you no soul?

Madeline Solien said...

such a bitch.

Midge plays this same way with frogs in the summer (also hysterically funny and cute) but you don't see me squishing the frogs do you?!?! NO!