Monday, April 2, 2012


Some guy, a long time ago, referred to either Kim or me as "BFI". BFI is the company that collects trash around the city. So yeah, he was calling us (or her...certainly not ME) trash. RUDE! But, ever since then, we call things BFI when we think they are trashy.

Guys? I am BFI.

After a productive day working from home, I continued straight into the night. I ran errands, came home and cleaned my room, then went to the gym. The gym! And when I came home, I stared at my super clean room, very very proud of myself.

Except for one thing. The giant, lawn-sized garbage bag full of garbage in the corner. My roommate Andrew always asks me, after I've cleaned my room and come downstairs with a lawn-sized garbage bag full of garbage, "Pharon. How in God's name do you have that much trash in your room every few weeks?"

Before I brought the bag down tonight, I did some searching. What am I hoarding for three weeks only to eventually throw away? So I did some digging. Not literally. NOT LITERALLY.

Okay, literally...

I opened the bag and peeked inside. All I saw was mail and shoe boxes. And I don't know if you can tell by the name, but Entertainment Weekly comes EVERY WEEK. So, there were a bunch of those in there. Empty toilet paper rolls, discarded craft materials, one or nine two empty diet Coke cans, cotton balls with nail polish on them, wrapping paper scraps, receipts, bills I don't want to pay, shopping bags, and empty body wash bottles. So, it's not like it's GARBAGE. No rotten food, no banana peels, nothing sticky or gross. It's just, I don't know, TRASH.

So I sat here thinking about how I amass all this garbage in the span of just a few weeks. Most of the time, something major has just happened. Like Christmas, or Geo's been here, or - as was the case here - I took a trip somewhere. But I also realized that I spend, oh, 90 percent of my time in my room. Most of the time, people split up garbage between rooms. I use my bedroom as living room, family room, craft room, and - OKAY - kitchen. So, all my tossables are tossed into the two cans in my room.

Or, in the general vicinity of those cans. Semantics.

Ergo, technically it's not my fault. I may bring down one ginormo bag of trash every few weeks, but I challenge YOU to keep all your garbage in one room for three weeks and see what happens.

I have a feeling you'll be on the curb ready for trash day right along with me.

1 comment:

Blogger said...

Just got my payment for $500.

Sometimes people don't believe me when I tell them about how much money you can earn taking paid surveys online...

So I show them a video of myself actually getting paid over $500 for filling paid surveys to finally set the record straight.