Dear Crabby

Well, I'm an emotional wreck. I said goodbye to my super awesome, amazing friend Ally tonight because she's moving away to a stupid Mexican island. For a boy! Rude! I came home to just kind of, you know, decompress, and instead all I got was cuddled by the best dog in the world that I'll never have. Cue tears...Anyhoozle, let's get down to some real drama!

Dear Crabby,

I've been having these super vivid dreams about an ex of mine. Not like "sexy" dreams, but like just shopping and watching movie together dreams. Do you think this means I still have feelings for him?? My current boyfriend would be crushed...

Thanks, Crabster!

In My Dreams

Hey there, In My Dreams - 

Unless I'm supposed to wear a boa constrictor around my neck while singing "Straight Up" by Paula Abdul in front of my 3rd grade class while Geo's entire family looks on, dreams don't mean anything. And if they DO mean something, I feel like I'll have a hell of a time finding a giant snake who will wear a top hat and tiny gloves.

Dear Crabby,

So, I read your blog last night and I've been thinking about it. I love my bf and we've been together for a couple years now. We never had that "You're the one!" spark going on. Do you think this means it's not meant to be? Do you think all couples feel that way??

Thank you, Crabby!!!

-Sparkless in Seattle

Hi, SIS - 

No. Under NO circumstances should you take any sort of love or life advice from MY mindless babbling. Except for this specific answer. You do NOT need the "spark". Although, I will testify that the spark is pretty awesome, so if you have an opportunity to find that, I'd say go for it. However, if you and your bf are totally happy sans spark, why mess with what works? Plus, what do I know? I am marrying a man who I once tried to set up with 12 of my friends...I'm clearly unhinged.

Dear Crabby,

Do you think it's weird that when I'm sleeping, I put one stuffed animal on each side of my head because I'm convinced that if someone breaks into my house, they will think I'm ALSO a stuffed animal? You know, like in E.T.? 

Thanks!

Stuffed

Dear Stuffed,

Yes. That is most definitively weird. Clever, but weird. Wait, does it work!??!?!

Aaaaaaaaaaaaand there you have it, kids. Another wildly successful Dear Crabby. Send your weirdo questions to pharonsquare@gmail.com and I'll totes solve all your problemos!