About Face

Oh...HAI THERE. What's that? No, it's just me here. I don't have a second person coming out of my forehead. It's just my delayed adolescence rearing it's ugly head. Yes. It's just an enormous ZIT. Smack in the middle of my forehead. Big enough to look like I got punched. Deep enough to have given me a headache all day. It seriously HURT MY EYEBALLS. My sisters and I call them "tumor zits."

What kind of cruel joke is it that I still need to fight against pimples while keeping an eye out for wrinkles? Is there no break in between my facial maladies? RUDE.

The last time I loved the skin covering my skull was when I was about 8 years old. My sister Prinna was smack dab in the middle of adolescence. I'd sit and watch her study her changing face in the mirror, periodically eradicating a pimple. I was a little brat who laughed and laughed at her. I'd smear - yes, SMEAR - Oxy lotion all over my face and be all "I don't even need to wash my face! I just put this on it and I've NEVER had a zit. Hahahahahahahaha!"

Oh Karma, you are a mean lady with a long memory.

The day I cut the tags off my training bra, I discovered a whole bunch of new bumps...on my face. I was BUMMED. The only people I knew who had zits were the guys who couldn't swim during gym class because the Accutane they took made their skin way too sensitive to chlorine and sunlight.

I tried Biore pore strips for several months. Nada. I even tried the more aggressive Duct Tape pore strips. Nada. (And OUCH.)

Several years ago, I fell victim to the promises of Katy Perry and Jessica Simpson who convinced me that I "didn't need to live with acne any longer." I ordered up some Proactiv. Cut to 2 weeks later when my face was red, swollen and itchy. Thanks for nothing, Justin Bieber. Guh! Now that I think about it, my face DID feel smoother...very burny, but smoother.

I don't know what to do about this. I have friends with perfect skin. For many of them, it seems like A LOT of work, though, and it's just not work I'm willing to do. Is that the only way to get it? I drink nearly inappropriate amounts of water all day long. I can barely remember to put makeup on most days - except, of course, to cover up whatever has exploded on my face over night.

After I spent a good 15 minutes staring and poking at my face in my parent's bathroom mirror this weekend, I came out red and puffy and declared "What is WRONG with my face?!" My mom was all "Stop picking at it, first of all. Second, have you been sweating more than usual? Sometimes that causes breakouts."

I would LOVE to be like "Yes! I work out every day and work up a sweat!" But in the past week, I've only been to the gym once. Sure, I tried to do math which made me sweat for a few mins, but other than that I've been cool as a cucumber.

The point is, I'm pretty sure my face is still angry at me for smearing Oxy all over it for weeks at a time before my pores had a chance to fully develop. Between the pimples and promise of wrinkles, I think the stress is definitely not helping.