Sunday, April 29, 2012

If I Had $1 for Every $20 I "Found" This Weekend...

Do you ever start a telling a story and lose interest in finishing it? Like, THAT'S how boring your story is? Then, you know, you change the ending to spice things up a bit? I feel like this weekend/post is a lot like that.

I spent a LOT of time with chicks this weekend. Like...a LOT OF TIME. It turns out, I get very nervous and fumbling when I am talking to a lot of girls. I end a lot of stories with a lie because I have completely lost my audience. You know, like you tell a very uneventful tale and end it with "Then I found $20! to redeem yourself?" I probably had to whip out a version of that line 235 times this weekend. I couldn't help it, though. I was boring mySELF to tears.

Friday night was happy hour with Kim and a couple other girls. Fun fun fun. Saturday I drove around for HOURS with Liz looking at apartments. As Liz described it, it was a "fabulous rainy day activity." Saturday night, I went to a bridal shower/bachelorette party with approx 15 girls I did not know. Lots of estrogen. Then this morning, Kim threw a little lunch for me and a couple other girls who recently have gotten engaged.

So yeah, SO MANY GIRLS. My feet are sore from stilettos, and I have consumed my weight in wine and mimosas, but it was great fun. The problem, though, is that I get extremely nervous around girls. Especially when there are SEVERAL in a group. Listen, I can small talk with a dude all day long. But for some reason, that same chit chat falls totally flat with girls.

This weekend in particular, I spent more time babbling on nervously about nonsense than ever before. I'd be 45 seconds into a story before thinking "Um, hey, dumb dumb...are you REALLY telling a story about your inexcusably long leg hair? TO A STRANGER?!" Upon realizing I was knee deep in b.s., I'd just lunge ahead to a strong finish.

Once, I took a huge swallow of wine and faked a cough-attack until someone else started a new story.

Another time, I ended with "But, you know, it's not as gross as you think it would be. Speaking of gross, did you guys hear that Rihanna and Chris Brown are back together?"

When I realized I had been talking for far too long about all the gaseous vegetables there are - seriously, Pharon? - I sort of just faded out my voice. I talked super quietly for a second and then randomly said "So, yeah. But then I went shopping!" And mercifully transitioned into a convo about shoes.

Oh, and let us not forget that when I get nervous and have wine, my forehead gets really sweaty. And I start my bad stories very loudly.

The poor chicks who had to suffer through my terrible stories, sweaty face and assaulting tone of voice! Maybe it's because I firmly believe that guys tune out girls most of the time anyway, so I don't worry about losing their interest. I probably never had 100% of it in the first place. But with girls, they are such earnest listeners and their faces are so emotive that it is painfully obvious every single time a story is failing or is super inappropriate.

Anyway, fun weekend but too many chicks I think. I need to hang out with a bunch of guys who fart and fight who won't really care about what I'm talking about. Then I'll hopefully find $20.

1 comment:

cindi said...

How about once a week you find a recipe from some "with-it" celebrity and photo the steps as you go... Like the PIONEER could have funny props etc....OH how bout you set up a bunch o' crap and everyweek you have an ISPY kind of could have clues like....The random keychain I stole in Mexico....or maybe.....line up a zillion shoes and play GUESS THE DESIGNER !!!!!Or how bout a fashion could post your favorite outfits and discuss WHY they are great(or why they suck)