Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Dear Crabby

So, last week, I asked you all to send in some Dear Crabby questions about hygiene. Some were straight up TMI and I didn't even know how to BEGIN to answer the one about the toe hair. Blech! Anyway, let's dig into the ol' mailbag and see what we've got.

Dear Crabby,

So, I'm not sure that this technically qualifies as "hygiene"-related, but I really wanna know if anyone has any advice. Okay, it's not like I DON'T like to shower. It's just such a PROCESS in the winter because of my hair. I can cut like 20 minutes out of my routine in the summer because I let my hair air dry. But in the winter, it's all hair drying and product and curling. It's a serious PAIN. Any suggestions?

Dry Spell

Hey Dry Spell,
You are right. Taking the time to do your hair in the winter is terrible. It's tedious and time-consuming. Sometimes, I'll skip a shower altogether just to avoid the 20 minutes of hair work. But I think it's just inevitable, unfortch. I mean, you could risk the elements with a wet head, but it's probably not a good idea. There was a girl in middle school who went outside with wet hair, and it was freezing cold out so her hair froze. When she ran her fingers through her hair, all her hair snapped off. Aw snap! So, either take your shower at night before bed and sleep in, or just deal with it for another couple months. Sorry!

Dear Crabby,

Is it ever okay for a girl to trim her nose hair? Totally hypothetical question, I swear...

Thank you!
-Not a Hypothetical Question

Hey there, NAHQ,
Uh, I've truly never known a girl who has to trim her NOSE HAIR. I know chicks who have to bleach facial or arm hair, but never before have I met a girl with nose hair. Nasty! It's probably natural or something, but I just don't know what to tell you. I suppose you'd HAVE to trim it, unless you want other people to see it, right? Maybe you could just sniff some Nair up there or something. Maybe you should see about some laser removal. Can they get a laser up a nose though? I don't know. Best of luck to you, though. Sorry, but it sounds pretty unfortunate...

Dear Crabby,

Um, so is there a right way to hide smelly feet? I've been reading your blog long enough to know that you don't sweat out of your armpits, and neither do I! (I thought I was the only one!) But I think all that sweat drains to my feet. Does this happen to you? I just get super embarrassed when I have to go to a friend's house and take my shoes off. What can I do?!

Thanks so much!
Stink Foot

Hey Stink Foot,
First of all, I'm impressed that you know about my awesomely dry armpits! I had to search long and hard to figure out where I had written that, BTW. Anyway, I am familiar with your problem, dear reader. Stinky feet are one of my top five most hated stinks (preceded only by, eh hem, human gas, fish and vomit). And almost nothing is worse than publicly stinky feet. I've briefly googled your question and found some good tips. One: You could just always wear socks. Two: Buy your first thing of deodorant and slick it on your rotten soles. Three: Soak your feet in tea. I have no clue how that works, or if it works, but apparently Oprah does it. I also don't know where you're going to get gallons of Earl Grey, but that's up to you. Four: If you do have smelly feet in public, be the first to address it. Then blame it on a guy nearby. They won't put up too much of a fuss, because chances are good that his feet and/or body stink worse than rotten eggs cracked over a dirty diaper. Good luck, you smelly, smelly girl!

Well that was, uh, gross. Especially the feet one. Blech! Anyway, thanks for all your dirty, nasty, stinky questions! I'm sorry I didn't get to them all, but I'll keep some in the hopper for future weeks. In the meantime, let me know if you have anything better to offer in the way of advice. And as always, the answers to your prayers are only an email away: Smell ya later! (Especially YOU, Stink Foot!)

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