Well, I've officially lost it. I resorted to such inane and arbitrary behavior tonight that I barely know who I even am anymore. I was stressed, anxious, excited, annoyed and frustrated, so I did something I never thought I'd do.
I went on a run.
Before you get it twisted, my "run" turned into a "walk" by the end of my block. But I had to get out of my apartment. My friend Kelly is having a baby in Iowa, my BFF Madeline was watching TV with her boyf in Illinois and Geo is doing whatever boys do in Alabama. I felt displaced. I felt sad. I finally had that feeling like "I'm going crazy."
And I had recently listened to the recent Good Guys to Know podcast where the Good Guys interviewed a dude who felt lost and annoyed and frustrated and he started running. He talked about how much better he felt after he started running and so I just did it. I put on my running shoes (without socks! WHAT?!) and just wanted to feel the pavement under my shoes.
So yeah, a block later, I was panting and still stressed out. So I slowed it down and walked. For a billion blocks. I walked and I walked and it was super dark out and scary, but I just kept walking. I thought about missing my friends and being sad that some of my dearest friends are hundreds of miles away and how I just wanted to talk to Geo and whether or not I'll ever find a wedding dress. So I just walked until I got over myself.
Then I got scared. I mean, I'm an adorable woman in a giant city! Also? I took a shower this morning and brushed my hair, so I'm lookin' my best. Meanwhile, I'm walking down strange streets with dark clothes on with only my keys to keep me safe. I was prime pickins.
The thoughts that ran through my head were: "Oh man, it's windy. And cold. I wonder if Kelly's going to have her baby tonight? Do I turn my engagement ring out so it can hurt someone I punch, or do I flip it inside to discourage muggers? What if I never find a wedding dress? What if I never have a baby? Did that car just almost sideswipe me?! OMG, I love the smell of Fall! I hope all my friends find someone as amazeballs as Geo. If Geo was here, and I got mugged, he'd totally just take off running. Are feathers tacky on a wedding dress? Why am I so obessed with my wedding when I know that's supes annoying? Is there any chance Kate Spade knows how much I totes love her stuff? Do I have any mac n' cheese at home? Why do carbs taste so good when they are so bad? Did I do enough work today? Will my mom and dad like my wedding? Why don't people wear socks with their running shoes? These things are going to be nastballs when I get home. I wonder if smaller feet smell worse than bigger feet."
After my very real concerns diluted into totally stupid thoughts, I turned around and headed for home. No, I didn't solve anything. No, I didn't actually figure anything out. And most importantly, NO, I didn't get mugged. However, I realized that there's just a lot of crazy things going on right now and for once, I guess I'm just one of those crazy things.