Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Hurricanes are the worst

I have several trivial things that I could talk about tonight. SEVERAL. Yet, the majority of my readership is in some serious $hit right now out East and all the trivial things sound, well...trivial. I made some horrible joke on Facebook today about people on the East coast not being able to watch TV tonight and I've spent the day just reeling from the tasteless nature of my "humor" all day.

So...hurricanes. I can only assume they are devastating. I live in Minnesota. The closest we get to a hurricane is when it rains a buttload and a "Wizard of Oz"-type tornado blows through. I have no clue what actually happens in a hurricane. I spent the day obsessing over "before" and "after" pictures of East coast landmarks. My grandma has a beach house in Rhode Island and the flooding there was gross and sad, not to mention the damage that has been done in New Jersey and New York. Man, Sandy is such a bitch and no one likes her.

Really the only thing I have to offer to this conversation is how these storms are named. I briefly researched the process of naming natural disasters (a.k.a. read one answer on Yahoo! Answers) and just think it's dumb. They just pick names, willy-nilly. But seriously? Katrina was once a great name. But no. Now it's a hurricane and the name is one of the worst names ever (after "Angelina" of course). Why can't we name natural disasters after truly horrible people? Hurricane Adolf. Tropical Storm Mussolini. Tornado Chlamydia. You know, names that no one actually WANTS.

Instead, these no-name people are taking perfectly good names and ruining them for everyone. Poor Isaac! Irene! And now Sandy? RUDE.

Yeah. So, I've got a beef with naming these tragic national disasters after super normal people. From all accounts that I've been obsessed with over the 24 hours, no one likes hurricanes and all they do is ruin everything. No one wants to be associated with that. Let's maybe rethink the names that we give these things that ruin people's homes and lives. Who can I talk to about this?!

But if any of my beloved East coast relatives, friends and readers are seeing this, I hope you are safe. I hope you are, like my cousin Jackie, using this as an opportunity to drink some Jack Daniels and make the best of it. And I hope that the jerkfaces who are breaking into flooded homes and stealing stuff get punched in the face by Mother Nature. HARD. But mostly, I just really hope that everyone is safe and dry and healthy. If you're not, let me know and I'll figure out some amazing rescue mission that involves me, my adorbs Ralph Lauren rain boots and a boat I'm bound to find on my way to saving you. I love you guys! Stay safe!!


grandmaman said...

Jerusalem was spared major (and minor) damage. Matunuck was slammed and it is right next door to us here in East Matunuck! AMAZING!

SARAH ABT said...

love it pharon...Matunuck houses are right smack on the beach...the the surf and waves slam them poor houses....We are all safe...Sandy was not very nice...and how do you know Sandy was not a boy?

Sandy is a popular unisex name; the male version can be a diminutive of "Alexander," "Alasdair," "Sandipan", "Sanford," or "Santiago," while the female version is a diminutive for "Sandra" or less commonly "Alexandra". The female name may also be spelled "Sandi" or "Sandie".