Monday, October 1, 2012

I (Can't) Spy

So, I've been devouring a show called Revenge. Seriously: DEVOURING it. My friends Liz and Claire both watched it told me I'd like it. I put it off because I hate it when people tell me to do something. Then I started watching it and I couldn't STOP watching it. I've watched all the eps on Netflix and I'm allllll caught up for the new season.

Even though most of you guys don't watch Revenge, I'll give a brief rundown in order to justify the point of this post. It's about a chick who's dad was killed by a bunch of gajillionaires in the Hamptons when she was a kid. As an adult, she shows back up in the Hamptons with a new identity, a bangin' bod and one thought on her mind: REVENGE.

So yeah, she's back to spy on those who destroyed her father and just wants to destroy them. She's smart, brassy, sneaky, vindictive and an insanely good sense of fashion. Emily/Amanda is awesome.

With that in mind, I'd like to present a list of reasons why I would never make a good spy.

* I am never a step ahead of anyone.
* I never have a Plan B. I'm always like "Let's stick to the plan at all costs." If something goes wrong, I can't adjust or just go with it. I just assume everything's ruined.
* I can't casually overhear conversations without totally reacting to it, giving myself away
* I only have one wig...a purple bob. But I don't even know where it is.
* My ability to make up lies on the fly is horribly underdeveloped
* I'm not "ready for anything"
* While I may be able to punch someone, I can't take a hit to save my life. One slap across my cheek and I tear up like a tiny baby
* I just don't have the attention span. I once got curious about a friend I had in college. We were really good friends and then she turned out to be a total skeez. Anyways, I wondered what she was up to, hoping she was fat, so I tried to track her down. After 2.3 minutes of looking on Facebook, I gave up and just decided she was fat.
* I'm not a "multiple stop" person. I HATE making a couple stops when I could just go to Target or whatever and get everything done at once. Spies can't do that. They have to like spread out their purchases of rope and duct tape and hidden microphones or whatever so they don't get caught. Sounds like it's way too inefficient for me.
* I'd probably just get too emotionally attached to whomever I'm supposed to be busy destroying
* I DO know who my real friends are
* I get lost all the time
* I've never been able to keep secrets
* I don't have a fireplace to burn pictures/evidence in
* It's never business with me, it's always personal

Yeah, so that's...well, that's a list of reasons why I'm not a spy. I'm sure you'll all update your diaries accordingly.

1 comment:

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