Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Dear Crabby

What a remarkably unproductive day. Seriously. From start to finish. My underachievement is almost an achievement in itself. I guess the least I could do is muster up some energy and drive to answer some problemos for Crabby. Hold on. Let me roll off the couch and dust these crumbs off my shirt and go through the challenging process of digging through ones and tens of emails.

Dear Crabby,
I saw your post about putting elbow pads on sweaters with little holes in them. I LOVED it and even patched up one of my own shirts! My question is: Would you ever consider patching up other clothing items? I mean, without holes in them? Like, I wanna add a cute patch to a jacket I have, and think it could be super cute to put knee patches on my jeans. Do you think that sounds good?
Thanks,
Sew Curious!

Sup, fellow crafter-
I'm glad you liked the post! I have actually gotten loads of compliments on those patches, so I'm, like, basically a fashion designer. That totally make me qualified to answer this question. Um, let's see. I guess a jacket patch would be fine. Unnecessary, but fine. As far as the knee patches? No way, lady. That sounds pretty terrible. Like, I'm trying to imagine what that would look like and every time I get a visual, I almost vom all over. BAD IDEA. Knee pads? No. Just....no. You could put them on the butt or something. Or just cut them into a cute shape and put them on the hip or whatevs. OR: You could cut the fabric into a bird shape and stick in on the pocket. In other words: Put a bird on it.

Dear Crabby,
I bumped into my ex while I was at a happy hour recently. He was a total jerk, as usual, but I actually started getting along really well with his new girlfriend. She and I have similar jobs and tastes (mine is arguably better since I dumped the poor shmuck she's still dating) and we really want to hang out with him, you know? Is that crossing some sort of line? Like, do I need to clear it with him or something?
Thanks, 
Befriending My Ex's Next Ex

Hello, B MENE-
Yeah you can be friends with her. Guys don't care about that stuff. But even if he does, it's not YOUR PROBLEM anymore, it's the new girl's. However, to keep YOUR sanity in tact, limit your discussions at the beginning so that your friend dates aren't just excuses to dump all over the guy. Sure, you COULD bond over his bathroom habits that leave much to be desired, but why? I would focus on  having fun and being cool. And when they breakup you guys can stay friends and maybe consider starting a little gang of ex-girlfriends.

Dear Crabby,
Um, when do you think would be a good time to tell my best friend that I accidentally ran over her cat a couple years ago? It's been eating me up inside ever since and I feel like I should tell her and clear the air. 
HELP,
CATastrophe

Dear CATastrophe,
While I applaud your clever pseudonym, I'm worried that you may be a horrible person. Dude, the best time to tell your friend that you hit her cat is 5 minutes after you invent a time machine and go back to the scene of the accident. You should have been honest with her right away. It was an honest mistake and if you really do feel bad about it, she would have forgiven you I'll bet. Now, you're just going to be a liar...AND hurtful to boot. Since you've kept this to yourself for so long already, I'm pretty sure you have keep keepin' it to yourself. There's no point in causing her further pain by rehashing the accident and then saying it was your fault.

WHEW! That really took it out of me! All that movement and thinking just super tuckered me out. Hopefully, you're more productive than me and have time to email your questions to pharonsquare@gmail.com. I wish I had more energy to come up with a clever closing here, but I don't. So there.

2 comments:

saraH ABT said...

again I will say.. " jesus christ, you are hystrical!"

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