Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Boo Boo Kardashian

There has been a major thorn in my side lately. That thorn is the clan Kardashian. I can't stand them (except Khloe. Lhove her). They are annoying and self-righteous and entited and they have like a jillion shows showcasing how sucky they are. Then, BOOM. Here Comes Honey Boo Boo comes along and everyone's like "Gross! Poor people who are overweight? How ruinous for our society!" RUDE, people. RUDE.

Here are the reasons that Honey Boo Boo will always be better than Kim Kardashian.

1) Kim Kardashian is famous because she taped herself having sex and then released that tape to the public. Honey Boo Boo is famous because girl's got a killer personality and confidence and only wants to win an occassional beauty pageant.
2) Honey Boo Boo jumped into a giant pool of mud for the Redneck Games-FOR FREE. The Kardashians probs pay a billion dollars a year just to have that same mud smeared on their clogged pores.
3) Kim Kardashian did some rando publicity stunt by having her butt x-rayed to prove it was "real." The Boo Boo family just eats enough that everyone knows the plump is fo' realsies.
4) Boo Boo's sister had a baby out of wedlock. So did a Kardashian. Twice.
5) Boo Boo's mom and her boyfriend, Sugar Bear, don't see the point in getting married to prove their love. Kim Kardashian has been married TWICE. In case you forgot, once she was only married for 72 days before bailing. #sanctityofWHAT?
6) The Boo Boo's go mud bogging on 4-wheelers as a family. The Kardashians drive their borrowed Lamborghinis to publicity stunts.
7) Honey Boo Boo just wants to win a crown by being the little chubbers that she is. One of the Kardashian youngsters is optimizing an inevitable case of anorexia to parlay her "fame" into a modeling career.
8) The Boo Boo's play "Whose breath is that?" The Kardashians play "Whose sex tape is that?"
9) Sugar Bear (Boo Boo's dad) may or may not have teeth. Bruce Jenner may or may not have a human face.
10) Boo Boo's mom coupons for free toilet paper. Kardashians would happily pay $1 billion to have their faces printed on said toilet paper.
11) The Boo Boo's are a family who love each other and spend time together all the time. The Kardashians' have at least 3 TV contracts obliging them to hang out together in carefully scripted scenes.
12) The Kardashians talk out of their a$$es or through a publicist. Honey Boo Boo talks out of her belly, hilariously.

Moral of the story: The Kardashians are the kind of garbage that TV wants us think is great and the Boo Boos are the families we actually are, and TV has positioned as "trash". Psht. I'd pick Boo Boo every time.


cindi said...

I concur..............

Madeline Solien said...

you must be losing your damn mind...

SARAH ABT said...

oh my god...that is FRIGGIN Hilarious... my favorite was....
Sugar Bear (Boo Boo's dad) may or may not have teeth. Bruce Jenner may or may not have a human face.
that need to be sent to a magazine..a newspaper..SOMETHNIG...SOMEWHERE!! hysterical...just hysterical... OH....and so, so, so TRUE!!!