Oscar needs some Zoloft

Okay, so I'm watching the Oscars. Why? Because I MUST. I can't NOT watch. Here's the thing. I really only saw maybe two movies that were nominated for these stupid awards. I got into quite a discussion over breakfast this morning with Claire and Andrew. We have all seen The Descendants. I'm pretty sure it's the worst movie-going experience ever. They (wrongly) disagreed. And I came upon my main complaint about this current batch of Oscar-nominated films.

Apparently, if a movie is sad enough, long enough, slow enough...and if it's about death, cancer,death or death, it is GOING to be nominated as Best Movie of the Year.

When did the film industry turn it's focus from making exciting, escapism experiences to focusing on making people depressed and forcing us to contemplate our mortality?

Excuse me, I have the news for that.

I wonder what the process of writing a movie that will get nominated for an Oscar looks like.

"Hey, so let's open up with the death of a kid's parent. We'll call him, oh, Sad Sack. Should Sad Sack have cancer? Yeah. Oh, and let's have his best friend murdered by a child-abusing Nazi. Is there a way to work in a non-threatening mentor who will eventually commit suicide? Definitely. The kid should also have a dog that runs away during the kid's darkest hours. After 2 hours of depressing wintry montages of dying trees, let's have the now-grown Sad Sack win the lottery. But then lose all his money in a scheme by his cheating wife. Then Sad Sack will die. After being in a coma first. Boom. Oscar.

Listen, there is nothing wrong with serious movies. But must ALL the movies that are nominated be depressing? The only movie that should win ANY awards is obviously Bridesmaids. It's real. It's about love. It's about friendship and forgiveness. It's about food poisoning, Jon Hamm and a whole lotta laughs. I have watched it repeatedly and will continue to do so because it's got staying power. Will anyone watch War Horse more than once? NEGATIVE.

I can say, with complete certainty, that the best movie of the NEXT year will be Hunger Games and it probably won't get nominated because too many people will like it. (BTW I already bought my tickets to see that movie on the day it comes out. SQUEEE!)

In closing (I'm getting the "Wrap It Up" Signal from the producers...) I will say that a depressing movie does not a good movie make. And just because it's "real" doesn't mean it's really good. It's okay to smile and feel happy after a movie, Academy.

Obligatory Angelina commentary: Angelina Jolie needs to eat more blood food. She's gross and skinny and her bones hurt my eyes. Shouldn't she be hooked up to an IV or feeding tube or something? It's called Easy Mac, honey. Try it.