Tuesday, December 6, 2011

SWF seeks Loads of Stupid Men to Live With

So I watched another episode of The New Girl tonight. I didn't want to, but I did. I got hooked because I have such fond memories of living with dudes. I thought "Hey this show, despite it's many many flaws is a pretty awesome show for chicks who have lived with guys." And I came to a terrifying realization.

I wanna live with guys again.

I do, you guys! I wanna move in with a load of men. I miss my platonic man friendships. I miss being berated for wearing too much jewelry, and being able to make fun of a man for wearing a way-too-deep V-neck shirt.

Mostly, I miss being a bystander in a Man Conversation. "Should I shave tonight?" "How much cash should I bring on this date tonight?" "Do you think she'll care if I wax my eyebrows?"

The brain of a man is horribly fascinating place and I like being in there. There's no talking, no non-verbal cues, no nothing. All you have in a group of men is your wit and your thick skin. As a a woman, it proves to be an exciting challenge. The typical girl drama need not apply.

I miss stepping up my game. I miss weighing silence with thoughtful digs. Or using suggestive sweatpant-placement to achieve the doing of dishes. Or tossing my hair at just the right second when discussing feminism. Mostly, I miss knowing that I have earned my way into being an equal.

I live with a guy now. Sort of. He is the very serious boyfriend of my friend who owns this house. He tries to give me crap...but it doesn't have the same effect on me. It's more like "I wish you weren't here. Get out." Even when I make cookies or brownies or insist on watching golf on Sundays, I can't seem to win him over. I don't know where I'm going wrong, but I'm out of my element.

So, basically, I'm taking applications to live very low-maintenance men who enjoy the company of a witty, pseudo-opinionated young woman. Any takers?

1 comment:

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