Nailed it!

This just in: No one wants to hear you clip your nails. NO ONE. I don't care if you are in a vacuum and your nail clippings are made of glitter and promises. The SOUND of someone clipping their nails is disgusting.

I have no idea how a person can sit in public and clip...clip....................CLIP their nails. That's how it always goes. You hear the first clip and then the second. And you foolishly think "Phew! All done!" and as soon as you've calmed down your gag reflex, they clip again. And again. And again. How many nails does one person have?!

When I was in fifth grade, my science teacher Mr. Meneely (the spelling of his name is up for debate) yelled at "someone" who was biting her nails in class. He said "I'm going to take one of those nails that you bite off and make you look at it under a microscope if you do that again." That, and the fact that that cute little girl got braces that year, put an end to her nail biting posthaste.

See, nails are full of bacteria. There's dirt and gunk and who-knows-what else under the nails. Especially when they are long enough to have to clip immediately in the presence of others.

Listen, if there were a way that a person could tend to their manicure without the brain-punching "CLIP! CLIP!" sound, I'm sure I'd be all for it. It's not so much that I think people are just clipping nails willy nilly, with nail chunks flying everywhere, it's the SOUND that makes me want to eat my tongue.

In conclusion, if for some reason you are set on clipping your nails on a whim, head to the bathroom or a storage closet of something. Unless, of course, you LIKE to feel the sting of a zillion snarled glares and gnashed teeth directed solely at you.

That concludes this public service announcement.