Thursday, December 29, 2011

A Commercial Success

You know those horrible commercials where Sarah McLachlan sings about dogs with one eye or cats who lost all their fur or whatever? The overly-obvious point of the commercial is to make people feel sad and weep at the sad music while viewing pictures of adorable abandoned critters. It's like a thinly-veiled attempt to recreate that creepy scene in A Clockwork Orange. You know, when they pry that dudes eyes open and brainwash him in the hopes of making him a better youth?

Sorry, Lady McLachlan, but it's having the opposite effect on me. First, the commercials are too long. I'm a busy gal, ASPCA. I don't have time to watch 30-minute commercials (unless it's about the Forever Lazy), and therefore I obvs don't have time for a pet who clearly needs lots of love.

Second, the drippy, gooeyness of the commercial is a little too...uh...pandering. I'm no idiot. I know you're trying to sell me a needy pet, and I'm not buyin'. This, in and of itself, is a major fail. Need I remind you that I am the same girl who buys Smart Water solely because Jennifer Aniston drinks it?

Anyway, the ASPCA needs to take a lesson from Google. Why? I'm glad you asked. I hereby declare that Google has The Most Emotionally Effective Commercials Ever. You know the one where the new dad sets up an email account for his new baby, and writes her emails all the time, which she supposedly reads when she gets older? That one gets me every single time.

Then just now, I saw a new Google commercial. It's just clips of computer screens. People are searching and clicking their way into new beginnings. You see someone has purchased a one-way ticket, people learning new things, googling ways to be a better dad, a friend emailing an apology, and someone starting to write a new book by typing simply "Chapter 1".

There is no sappy music. No pathetic narrator. Just some chirpy happy music, and YouTube clips of people saying things like "You can do it," or "We can save the world." And after the commercial, I'm all misty-eyed and I feel like 'You know what?! I CAN save the world! And I WILL be a better dad from now on!"

THAT'S a response, dudes. It's like the time I saw one of those "Farewell to Wimbledon" montages after the tournament ends. They show clips of agony and defeat balanced against joy and triumph. When I saw that like 10 years ago, I sobbed uncontrollably. "They tasted victorrrrrry! But couldn't beat their biggest competition...themselllllllvvvvessss! Waaaaaahhh!"

Anyway, that's how I feel about commercials. I'm sure you'll want to write about this in your diary tonight.

Side Note: I will be posting a SPECIAL EDITION blog sometime this weekend. I make no promises when it will be, but I had plans to write a very awesome blog about the end of 2011, but obvs had to bump it for this super important topic on commercials. It'll probably only be relevant until Sunday, so prepare yourselves for a special weekend post! Go ahead, add that to your diary as well...

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