Friday, April 29, 2011

I'm Royally Wedding My Pants!! Part Deux...

Continued from last night...
Ohmygod, I'm awake. It's like 4 a.m. I had big plans to be in my living room about now, but my two roommates who sleep on that floor are buzzkills and had no desire to listen to my squeals of delight and witty Skype reparte with my mom and sisters. Rude, right?? So, I'm holed up in my room, sitting on the floor. My Royal throne.

So, I've got my glitter crown on, and I've already eaten more than my daily intake of scones. Diet starts tomorrow! I'm pretty surprised at how excited I am. Maybe it's the fact that I've never been up this early in the morning (besides those nights when I haven't gone to bed yet) but it all looks just very awesome.

So, there he is. Wills has arrived at his own wedding. The Prince. Personally, I'm a little more into his broham, Harry. He looks like a good time, and like he's probably hung over. I like that in a man. Plus, he's got all these gold ropes all over his little outfit uniform and it looks like they are, uh, askew. It looks weird.

It occurs to all of us that we have no idea what William's last name is. Durrrr...

Look at all those hats. The worst offenders.

[4:30] All these people are talking about how funny it is that Wills and Kate lived together before they were married and how strange that is. It only reinforces the thought I have that Geo and I are basically the royalty of America then. Sweet.

"No shame in riding in those buses". Actual quote by the commentators. The people NOT invited to the wedding are commenting on the friends of the bride and groom who are arriving in a bus. Yes, I'm sure they were all "A BUS?! I'm not riding a BUS to the WEDDING! I'm not going then." Idiots.

Side note: Last night, Geo had a very frustrated conversation with me about what the difference is between England, the United Kingdom, and who is considered British. I'm pretty sure he almost broke up with me. Sooooorry!

Kate Middleton's mom looks very nice. Like a big ol' robin's egg.

[4:35] Holy, uh...church. The Westminster Abbey looks incredible inside. A tad gawdy, but whatevs. It works. I should look into whether or not they have any openings in the Summer After Hell Freezes Over for my wedding...

[4:45] Seriously, these hats were made for Dr. Seuss books.

[4:46] There's the Queen! Cooool! Actually don't really care about her, sorry.

[4:50] Something has happened. Maybe it's the pre-dawn delirium, or the church bells of the Abbey or what, but I'm, like SO PSYCHED! Pippa's hair is down! Is that a sign of what Catherine's hair?! OMG, I DON'T KNOW BUT I CAN'T WAAAAAIT!

[4:53] Holy. Bride. Kate/Catherine is in the car. I see a lot of white. It's taking like 5 minutes to get the dress in. But wowza...it looks incredible from the waist up. And yup, her hair is down. How common. Hahaha...

[4:55] Please, dumb commentators, stop calling her Waitey Katey, you jealous knaves.

[4:59] I love that journalists will get their information on Kate's dress via email. Just like the ol' days.

[5:00] At exactly 5:00 a.m. CST, to the sound of those crazy awesome church bells, Kate comes out of her car. It's really kind of awesome. It's so dramatic. The train and veil of her dress are pretty, um, understated. You know, for a queen. It's really incredible. She has like a REAL tiara on, too. Not like the ones chicks wear at Prom.

[5:02] It is just dawning on me that I'm about to WATCH a CHURCH SERVICE on TV. I forgot all about this part. I have to go find some church clothes to put on...

[5:08] This is one long aisle she has to walk down. Maybe it's a preventative measure so she can't go running out of there...

[5:09] Wills still hasn't looked at his bride...

[5:11] Yay! He sees her! They're at the alter! They look like they're strangers, but oops! Wills keeps leaning over and whispering things to her - one of them being "Beautiful" which is sweet. It's kind of weird that it's so, uh, sterile, almost. They aren't even holding hands. I wonder if the priest will have to yell at them for whispering to each other...

[5:12 or something, I don't know...not looking at the clock anymore] Kate's taken her veil off, and despite the fact that I heard she did her own makeup, she looks brilliant.

Phew! No drama at the "speak now or forever hold your peace" part. That would have been hilars.

Spoiler Alert! He said "I will!" She said "I will!" Everyone is outside cheering...you can totes hear it inside the church.

Vows sound even awesomer with a British accent. Note to self: Consider using an accent for future weddings and other court dates.

Churchy stuff...

Looooots o' churchy stuff. It is very entertaining to see Posh Spice and David Beckham in the church though. It's like my worlds are colliding.

I hear Padrin ask, as the ceremony winds down "Wait, are they singing OUR National Anthem?!" Hahahaha...I laughed and laughed and made fun of her but then I accidentally called it the American Anthem. We're dummies.

After a very very long time of nothing happening, finally Wills and Katherine come out of their secret fort in the back of Westminster Abbey and they are, like, officially married! It's really incredibly touching. I wonder if they took a shot of Jagermeister before their walk back down the aisle together. I totally would have.

Prinna says "It's like a fairy tale!" And it totally is! I keep expecting little cartoon mice to come out and adjust her crooked tiara and then watch a giant flock of birds wave and blow kisses with their wings. Everyone else's wedding for the rest of time will be lame compared to this. Sorry, friends...

And now they're on that sick carriage back to regular ol' life at Buckingham Palace. There will be a kiss on the balcony later, but I've got royal duties to attend to as well. I gotta put some jeans on and head to work. Maybe I'll wear my high school Prom dress today - shake things up. I don't know, but with that, I'm signing off for the weekend. Hope you had/have fun watching the wedding! I know I did!

6 comments:

JessiferSeabs said...

I think his last name is Windsor!

Pharon Square said...

I admit, I wikipediad this...it says his name is William Arthur Philip Louis. So....like, is Catherine now Catherine Louis? BLECH! Whatevs. I'm still reeling!

Grandmaman said...

As far as the hats go, the most OUTRAGEOUS were worn by Andrew the Duke of York's daughters (Sarah Ferguson's girls)!!!!!

cindi said...

Reading your hysterical blog was FAR more entertaining than the actual event !!!!!

Virginia said...

Have I told you lately that I love you? This was the best. I watched it later in the morning with my kids and they couldn't give a rip. My mother, on the other hand, has had it on a constant loop at her house for days. She can't stop watching it.
Also, let us discuss how AMAZING Pippa looked. I wanna be her when I grow up.

PS - I think "Louis" is pronounced "Looey" which makes it a little better.

Pharon Square said...

Virginia, I totally know how your mom feels! I was borderline crazed watching all the non-stop footage of the wedding. I'm a little out of touch with reality now...

And yes, Pippa nearly stole the show! I suppose she has every right to look INCREDIBLE on her sister's big day - Catherine gets to marry a PRINCE. I'd be so mad if my soon-to-be Princess sister made me wear some bridesmaid nightmare....