Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Dear Crabby

Yay! MORE QUESTIONS! I love helping people, I really do. Also, I really like making fun of people. That said, awaaaaaay we go!

Dear Crabby,

So I got some Fage yogurt with a little side cup of fruit attached to it. I was all ready to dump the fruit into the separate cup of yogurt and stir it all up, when I read the side of the cup. It said "Do Not Stir". Whaaaaaaaa? What am I supposed to do with that? What do I do? How do I eat this dadgum yogurt?!

Love and kisses,
Your Biggest Fan

Dear My Biggest Fan,

Okay, to be fair, I have to confess something. This is actually my OWN question. Sorry, everyone, but this warranted a spot on Dear Crabby because it was a legitimately dumb question I had today. I sat down for a quick yogurty snack at work when I became flummoxed by the confusion of simply eating yogurt. So I admit it...I googled "How do I eat Fage without stirring it?!" Yeah, so what? I guarantee you've googled dumber things. Anyway, Fage (annoyingly pronounced fah-yay apparently) makes eating hard. There were many people asking the same thing, though, so I know I'm not alone. Anyway, the way you're supposed to eat this dumb (and yet very, very delicious) snack is by dumping the fruity yumminess on TOP of yogurt. I don't know why you shouldn't stir it up, but apparently, it's like super frowned upon. And I am nothing if not a lady. So yeah. They make it sound like a Rubik's cube, but it's not. You essentially eat yogurt with a fruit topping...not a fruity yogurt. And guess what! About halfway through, I just went ahead and stirred it all up together ('cause I'm a rebel like that), and it was equally delicious. Ugh. Fage. Why would you mess with people like that? Jerks. But oh well, thanks for the zummy snack!

Dear Crabby,

Where do you stand on wearing white before Memorial Day?

Wearing White, Just Don't?

Dear WWJD,

Clever little pseudonym you have there! Anyway, I'm not into very many rules when it comes to clothes. My current obsession is coordinating black with brown, which I'd heard was always a no no. But according to basically everyone, blacks, browns, greys, reds, whites, and yellows are all neutrals, so they all just match. Case closed. I also have a number of clothing items that combine pink with red, which as a kid I always thought was worse than wearing Wranglers. But the fact is, some things just look weird during certain times of year. I think the whole concept of when to wear and not wear white is okay in THEORY. Don't go around wearing white shoes with a white belt and white pants in the winter. That's just crazy. There's a lot of dirty, snowy crap in the winter. But white, to me at least, is a naturally airy color. Go ahead and slap on a white sweater, who cares? There IS something called Winter White, so go ahead and rock that. But just tone it down until it doesn't accentuate your paleness. Oddly Relevant Story Alert! Last Labor Day, we had the genius idea of throwing a White Party at our house. All our friends came over and we were all wearing white from head to toe, because it was supposedly the last day we could that. So all of us, in all our whiteness, decided to crash a party down the street from me. They thought we were, like, insane and misunderstood the meaning of our White Party. It was not well-received. So, unless you are hanging with P Diddy at his annual party, skip the All White look.

Dear Crabby,

What's the best way to shape up for summer? It's almost here, and I'm nowhere near my goal weight. I feel like people are going to be grossed out by me on the beach! Help!

Eagerly Awaiting Your Response,

Dear Weightless,

Oh deary. The eternal struggle to become "summer ready". It's so lame. Yet, we all do it. We all try and drop a few (or a-several) pounds before tearing up the beach. But here's the thing: GUH! It's so HARD! Sure, there's nothing wrong with trying to look your best before baring it all, but sheesh, people are way too hard on themselves (especially women). No one is perfect. Oh, and to you gentlemen? Knock it off with the female body commentary when you yourself have a gut, saggy man-boobs, and/or baggy shoulders. Chances are, you're not exactly centerfold material either. Anyway, Weightless, for me I like to just get outside and try and ride my bike (and fail), or go rollerblading (and fail), or just go play tennis or something. I like to DO things that make me FEEL healthier. But whatever. Just go out and have some fun and don't put so much pressure on yourself to look perfect. No one's perfect and it's way better to hang out with a FUN person, no matter their size. And if all else fails, maybe try and focus on OTHER PEOPLES cosmetic flaws. It'll help alleviate your own feelings of inadequacy. And even even if another girl looks incredible in a bikini next to you, just go ahead and decide she's probably crazy. Now, get out there and shake what your momma gave you! Yay!! Summer!!

Good luck out there this week, you guys. And any time you need an eager ear or a sharp tongue to help you out with something, just head on over to your email and send me a quick note at I'll help ya out, no questions asked. Unless it's like a creepy or a dangerous question. Then I'm calling in the authorities. You've been warned...

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