Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Weight Debate

I know you'll all be shocked to learn that this girl [points to self] likes to stay informed by reading the news online. That's right. I'm not all Entertainment Weekly and cereal boxes. I am an ENGLISH MAJOR, after all. Anyway, I read an article today on the Huffington Post (I said I READ, I didn't say I was Einstein.) It was kind of interesting and struck a particularly vulnerable cord with me.

To read the full article, click here. It's called "Mixed Weight Relationships: No One Prepared Us For The Biggest Conflict In Our Marriage" and it's all about a chick who is totally normal and her also-normal husband. Like many normal women, the chick struggles with gaining weight. Like many normal men, the dude does not have the same struggle and can't understand why his neurotic wife won't stop obsessing about food and her weight. It's an eye-opener and I found myself nodding in agreement with much of the article.

See, Geo and I have very opposite body types. I am almost a foot shorter than him. His limbs are all long and lanky while mine are short and compact. Not once, in all the years that we've been dating, has Geo lost or gained any noticeable amount of weight. I, on the other hand, swing wildly from weight class to weight class, depending on the season and whatever pant style is on trend. Geo eats more macaroni and cheese in one week than I eat in 2 years. He drinks Coke - not diet Coke - on a very regular basis. He skips breakfast. But he also enjoys working out, so somehow that cruel equation adds up no weight gained, no weight lost.

I, on the other hand, have to drastically change diet and workout routines whenever I want to lose one or two lbs. Did I put my jeans in the dryer last time I washed them? Better get off carbs for a year and train for a marathon before I can wear them again...

It's made me resentful, to be honest. I've gotten mad at Geo before when he's like "Where should we eat?" And I'm all "I don't know." And he's like "How 'bout pizza?" And I'm all "I can't eat pizza." And he's all "Do they have any salads that look good?"


So apparently, this dynamic can end up driving couples crazy. One constantly wants to lose weight while the other simply cannot understand why it seems to be so difficult. It has nothing to do with support - Geo supports me implicitly - it has more to do with understanding. There is no way I'll ever be able to understand how he can eat McDonald's for lunch and have cookie dough for dinner without gaining so much as water weight. He, on the other hand, cannot understand why I don't just go for a quick run before inhaling a full pizza and call it even. That'd be like me suggesting he do a few bicep curls before bed so he can wake up looking like the Hulk.

It's an unfortunate dynamic, to be sure. It's also just super unfair, too. With all the pressure that women have on us to look hot, be thin, eat like a man and never gain an ounce, it's no wonder some of us carry around that extra weight.

Anyway, I've been particularly sensitive about this topic lately because of how much work I'm putting in to looking my best come August. Because Geo doesn't have this same giant obstacle to overcome by then, I get a little touchy and impatient. Also, I'm just very hungry for carbs...


JessiferSeabs said...

We have the same situation over here. I lost 72 lbs in my 20s and gained most of it back, and now I'm pregnant so there is nothing I can do about it for a few more months (although ,oddly, in pregnancy I've only gained like 12 lbs. Maybe I should just stay knocked up?).

Anyway, Mike is a skinny tall guy who skips a meal and loses 5 lbs. He can eat whatever he wants and rarely makes healthy choices. He doesn't really exercise.

This has caused many problems for us over the years, until we just agreed on this: I CONTROL THE FOOD. I do the grocery shopping, meal plan, and dinner cooking. He will eat pretty much anything I put in front of him, and if he doesn't, he fixes himself something else. It helps that I am a fairly good cook and enjoy it. When it comes to going out, he is always going to want pizza or chipotle, or something equally as fattening, so I've had to learn to just have certain menu items everywhere that i can go to... or to limit myself.

I think you're doing weight watchers, which is how I lost all the weight, so trust that you are doing it the best way!

Also, I got married DEFINITELY not at a weight I was happy about, and I still felt beautiful and confident and happy and Mike took one look at me and said 'you look absolutely beautiful,' and I ASSURE you that will all be true for you too, no matter what the scale says.

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