Thursday, January 24, 2013

Cold Hearted

Hey dummies! So, I had a really difficult First World Problem moment when I woke up in my 63 degree apartment today. I was like "I know I'm working from home today, but it feels so UNPROFESSIONAL to work in a Snuggie. What's a girl to do?" So I opted for two pairs of sweatpants and nice, crisp button-down sweatshirt as a compromise. But I sat in my tiny 6th floor apartment thinking "I'm no Albert Einstone, but I'm fairly certain that science dictates that heat should rise."

So what gives, Science?!

I worked today with my crazy mad bomber hat and gloves on. Not because I didn't have any options to head to the office or even the coffee shop across the street, but because I like to make sure I make myself as miserable as possible so that I can justify my inevitable complaining.

Apparently, my apartment building is heated with "gentle heat". Really? Yes, because Minnesota winters are so gentle. I fell into a snowbank/glacier this morning and hurt my knee bone while carrying a giant box to my car because all concrete turns into sheer ice in January here. GENTLY. Listen, I don't KNOW what "gentle heat" is, but I'm assuming that it actually just means "Someone will come by once in awhile and blow hot breath into your apartment," because my apartment is about as warm as my freezer and it smells like garlic and curry. Puke.

Anyway, part of the reasoning behind me choosing an apartment on the 6th floor was that, although it'd be an armpit in the summer, an apartment higher up with big huge windows should stay super cozy in the winter. Which, BTW, lasts for like 100 months here. I was all "I'm so smart and planning ahead!" (Bonus: NO MICE.)

So riddle me this, nerds. How is it that I have the COLDEST APARTMENT IN THE WORLD?! If heat rises and I'm up high, what happened to the heat?

I'll tell you what happened to the heat. Those a-holes on the first floor have captured it in bottles and empty yogurt cups as a power play against us Higher Ups. Typical.

In an attempt to heat up my apartment without heating up my bills, I have spent the last 2 hours listening to my shower on full blast HOT while the hot water constantly runs in the sink in my kitchen. Yeah, I don't pay for water, obvs. So far, it's just getting very humid up in here. But I'm almost certain I can start to consider taking off my second pair of fleece socks. From my hands. UGH.


SARAH ABT said...

very clever to turn on the hot you pay electric? Maybe you can get a small space heater....

JessiferSeabs said...

Turn on the oven! That is what I used to do in my old cold house!

You can also add bread, because carbs keep you warmer. ;-)

Pharon Square said...

Sarah, yeah, electric is the ONLY thing I have to pay, actually. Lame. But you're right, I definitely need to get a space heater.

Jess, home-baked bread to stay warm in the winter? I'LL ALLOW IT. :)

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