Regularly Scheduled Program

Ermahgerd. Tonight marks the end of a fabulous break from work and I head back to the grindstone bright and early tomorrow morning. Am I ready? Not even close. Vacay Pharon and Routine Pharon are two very different people, and making the switch back to RP is a process, to say the least.

VP wakes up whenever she darn well pleases. RP sets 2 alarm clocks at varying intervals and goes through a tedious 25-minute snooze-button-pushing dance that inevitably ends up with cursing and running late.

VP eats straight-up garbagio without the benefit of lunch hours and planned menus to rely on. RP eats salads for lunch and chicken breasts prepared in a variety of dishes for dinner. But, for example, this morning I had pizza for breakfast AND lunch. For dinner? Cheese and chocolate-covered espresso beans. Diet? What diet?

RP replies to emails in a timely manner, answers her phone and dutifully responds to Facebook messages. VP neglects all forms of communication and refuses to keep up on the news. Yes, I may have been the last person on the planet to learn that Kim Kardashian is getting fat pregnant. Did you text me this week and get annoyed at my lack of response? Sorry...VP is such a flake.

You'd think that because VP has more free time that she'd get more done in a typical day. This could not be further from the truth. RP can multitask like a mofo because RP understands the importance of time management and structure. Laundry gets done while nails are drying and dishes are soaking, all of which happens while RP is watching the "news," a.k.a. Friends reruns. Meanwhile, VP rarely gets up enough energy to monotask long enough to wash the conditioner out of her hair. When the most important task in a day is to take a pizza out of the oven, that feeling of urgency and accomplishment just ain't there.

So while it will be a little bit hard to get back to my routine, it is very necessary. For the entire day today, I laid on my bed and only got up to move to the couch so that Geo wouldn't think I just laid in bed all day while he went to play some golf simulator dealie. "What?! Of COURSE I didn't just lay in bed all day! Look, I'm all the way on the COUCH now! And I'm wearing slightly different pajamas (because I got cold and needed more fleece)! DUH!"

And now, as it is with TV shows (OMG! Revenge is coming back soon!!!!), we're back to some new stuff and regular programming. Will it always be good? Heck no. But as soon as RP is back to running the show, it'll at least be consistent. That's, you know, something I guess.