Friday, December 28, 2012

Click Here To Register

Hey! Who here feels like testing their relationship!? Wanna know if he's the one for you? Wanna know how you'll deal with finances and household responsibilities in the future? Wanna have a nearly-miserable time shopping? LET'S GO REGISTER.

Geo and I started hopeful and friendly today when we went to register for our wedding. We were all "La la la, let's go pick stuff out that we want. What could go wrong?!"

Answer: The foundation of our relationship could be completely rocked.

Now, before I start blasting everything about the relationship I have with the man I am totes excited to marry, I should say that Geo and I have extremely similar tastes in style and function. However, when I listened to the Financial Peace CDs, I learned that I am a financial hoarder and Geo, God love him, is a Free Spirit. I'm always reigning him in when he wants to spend money, and he is always telling me to lighten up. So I expected a healthy level of disagreement.

Tip of the hat moment: When Geo and I were handed the scanner dealie and the checklist, I looked at Geo and asked, "What do you want to do? Check or scan?" And the lady helping us said "WHOA! You've thrown convention out the window already." Because apparently, brides are greedy little ladies and demand the scanner. But in the end...I GOT THE SCANNER.

Anyway, we got started. I insisted on beginning at the Kate Spade display. Now, I KNOW what Ms. Spade has to offer and I wanted it ALL, but this place had NOTHIN'. So after 20 minutes of me asking where the rest of the Larabee Dot collection was, Geo needed a bathroom break. When he left, I "scan scan scanned" my way through the limited Spade collection they had. Mission: Accomplished.

We headed to the kitchen area. I know nothing about cooking, so I left it all up to Geo. I was all "Pick our knives. Pick our pans. You will use them, I won't." But I kept getting sidetracked by cupcake carriers and cool plates my mom has. Geo was all "We don't need a pear-shaped cutting board." And I was all "WHAT IF I'M CUTTING PEARS?!"

Eventually, we got to the coffee/appliance area. I wanted everything. Geo was suddenly the most rational person on the planet and was like "We don't need that $450 mixer because you already have it." And I was like "First of all? Mine leaks grease and second of all? We don't have it in STAINLESS STEEL" and he was like "You've barely used the one you have," and I was like "Why don't you love me?!" Then we momentarily stopped talking to each other when I wanted a new Keurig and he was like "We each have one. Yes, they are 10 years old and barely brew one full cup without completely shaking the entire foundation of the house, but we have them."

Since when did I decide to marry the frugalist (it's a word) person ever?! Geo is usually ALLLLLL about investing in something that he knows will last a long time and be important...unless it comes to cutlery, apparently.

I tried to get Geo in the spirit of scanning things we could never buy ourselves but should probably have by introducing him to a deep fat fryer. YUM. Even then, though, he was like "Meh, we don't NEED it." I wanted to drop the scanner on the ground and be like "BRO! WE DON'T NEED ANY OF THIS. WE NEED AIR AND WATER AND SHELTER! BUT I JUST SUPER WANT THIS SODA STREAM!" I couldn't understand how we shifted from me being so completely rational to me being the one trying to convince him that a casserole dish is something I"ll use "everyday." It was weird and uncomfortable and we probably each considered ending the engagement at like four different times.

Then we got to the nerdy cleaning section. Geo immediately demanded that we needed a steamer to get the wrinkles out of clothes. I was like "I haven't even used an iron in 6 years." And he was like "Oooh, that reminds me. We need an iron." We looked at a few and I was like "None of these inspire me to iron," and he was like "You're right. I want a 'murdered out' iron." Now, a "murdered out" iron means that it's all black. My wonderful, manly fiance announced in the middle of a department store, that not only did he want an iron, but he wanted it to be "cool." What?

After a few minutes of questioning me about what I would do with a flour sifter or a popover pan, we had to agree to disagree and head to bedding.

For YEARS I have wanted a sick-high thread count of bed sheets. Like, in the quadruple digits. I read in this style book by Nina Garcia that every girl needs a disgustingly fancy set of white bed sheets, and there is no better time to get them than to put them on a registry. Geo was like "Let's just get some at Target," and I was like "I swear to God, you aren't allowed to hang out with me anymore if you don't let me get these m-f'ing sheets." I won that battle like a boss. He was busy having a reality check when he realized that the pillows he likes are $160 each! - WHAT?! and I took the opportunity to both crush his expectations for flimsy pillows and scan my lovely 1000+ thread count sheets. Score.

At the end of the day, we agreed on a surprising amount of items. We got a little printout that told us how balanced our registry was, and the lady was all "Wow, you guys are spot on so far." So, we totally won at registering.

OH! Then, later we were looking at the registry with my family, and Geo had kind of put his foot down on a few things. He was like "Let's not get stupid-expensive frames or vases or anything," and I was like "Yeah, you pick those out." And the vase he liked was $400. We didn't even realize it until we looked at our registry later. And I was like "Hey, that $30 casserole dish ain't lookin' too bad now, it is?" Then he tried to bring it back to a popover pan and I was like "I'm making you SOOOOO many popovers. Can't wait to see what you put in that vase."


JessiferSeabs said...

OMG. Registering was THE WORST. Seriously, Mike did not care about ANYTHING, and since we were like 34 and both owned full houses when we got married, was convinced we didn't "need" anything (which we DIDN'T, HELLO, THAT ISNT' THE POINT). He thinks that it is a special kind of hell for men, and t hat somebody needs to come up wtih the man's version of registering, which is like -- go to a bar, get hammered with your friends, and they all bring you a cake pan or something. Actually, that's not a bad idea (patent pending).

When I went to do the baby registry, I didn't even tell him I was doing it. He doesn't care, he doesn't know what anything is, it was just easier and happier for us both this way.

One of my best friends brought a girlfriend with to register and THAT was probably super fun.

Madeline Solien said...

I like how your registered for 2, countem2, can openers...cause you can NEVER have too many of those! ;) also, what about dishes?? God help me, I've at least gotten to the point that Andy realizes that we'll need to register for things someday...before, he was like "What do we need?? we've got everything??" and then I had to point out our mish mash of towels and the fact that we were inexplicably down to 4 forks...he's since changed his tune...

Pharon Square said...

Jess, OMG - bringing a friend would be SOOOO fun! I should do that for my next wedding! ;)

Madeline, we ACCIDENTALLY registered for 2 can openers. I got a little anxious with the scanner so we have to make some adjustments online. Or, you know, we could just get 2 can openers and have a backup in the event that the world ends and we are stuck in a bunker with canned tuna fish and the first opener craps out. Talk about planning ahead!