Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Thick as Thieves

I'm pretty sure I've never stolen anything in my life. I suppose I can't say this with absolute certainty because I was kind of a mischievous kid with a bowl cut and probably assumed I could do no wrong. Except the "bowl cut" thing. But as far as I can consciously remember, I'm clean. The same canNOT be said for two unknown men in Minneapolis and Eden Prairie, however.

The day before Thanksgiving, my brother walked into his house after work only to realize some scumbag had broken in and helped himself to several items that did not belong to him. That's the theory at least: Robbery. Unless somehow my brother's Xbox, guitars iPad and 5-Hour Energy (yes, you read that right) just got up and walked out of the house in search of a heart, brain and courage from the Wizard or whatever. His wife's laptop and jewelry may also have been stolen, or they could have eloped to Vegas in a misguided attempt to find love in this crazy, mixed up world.

All leads point to a robbery, though. The guy apparently broke in to the house of a complete stranger, dug around and took things that were not his, then simply walked out the door with plans to sell the stolen stuff to other a-holes. How can a person do that? I mean, I was just in the kitchen trying to sneak a handful of shredded cheese into my mouth while Geo was in the other room believing that I was NOT cheese-binging but I got way too nervous that he'd catch me, so I dumped the cheese in the garbage in panic.

Anyway, so first my bro's house gets hit and then last night, my sister woke up to police lights outside HER house. She had had an uneasy feeling earlier that night and pulled her three kids into her bed to sleep, so when she was later woken up by the lights, her mother's instinct high-fived her gut instinct. Anyway, turns out some OTHER dude was caught breaking into cars and stealing stuff. Apparently, he had gotten into my sister's van but probably decided the black market for half-eaten suckers, single socks and crumpled up construction paper Santa hats ain't what it used to be. Luckily, he left my sister's car empty-handed before getting pinched by the coppers. (That means "got arrested" I'm pretty sure.)

But MAN I am annoyed! I feel like stealing is not only SUPER RUDE, it's also just like, tacky or passe or something. I mean, who ROBS people anymore?! In person, nonetheless! I thought all theft was done online and in the form of empty Nigerian promises. What is the world coming to!?

Yeah, it's pretty sucky. I mean, it's good that nothing was stolen that can't easily be replaced (oh, except that whole "safe in my own house" feeling,) but whatever. Thieves are jerks and I hate them.

No comments: