Friday, January 18, 2013


Well everyone? I've done it. I've joined Weight Watchers because I love Jessica Simpson and her shoes SOOOOO much that I'm willing to do anything to be like her. Also I'm having two babies out of wedlock. Hooray!

No, fo reals. I've joined WW because I want to lose a bunch of weight before my wedding. (But I seriously am in lurve with JS shoes, BTW.) I would love nothing more than being the same weight as an obese baby on my wedding day. Hooray! Fat baby weight!

Needless to say, I'M HANGRY. That is not a typo. I'm hungry and angry because I'm hungry. I ate 100 pounds of raspberries today and I feel like I may as well have eaten 100 pounds of air. Stupid. But I am glad to be back on the track of normal people who don't eat a brick of cheese for dinner. I'm so mature!

I was doing amazingly well until approx 7 p.m. I had eaten nothing but air and grilled chicken. I was all "OMG, I probs lost 10 pounds in one day. That's amazing." But then, as humans are known to do, I got hungry. God forbid my body need sustenance! At first I was like, "Well, I better eat a pizza and 12 bagels." But then I was like "Fine, I'll have stupid effing vegetables." So I ate a buttload of vegetables. They were "great". But, you know, they're VEGETABLES so no one TRULY enjoys eating them. Unless they are crazy.

But, I did what parents made me do as a youngster and just shoveled them in my mouth hoping that they weren't as vile as I remembered. Ugh. They were exactly as stupid as I remembered. It's almost like they were GROWN to be UNSATISFYING! Vegetables are to food as Crocs are to footwear. They are there and people buy them, but there are zero things appealing about them. Sure they may be better for you than stilettos, but how fun is life if you have to spend every day in Crocs?!  

Answer: It is NOT fun.

I'm worried because there is simply nothing I enjoy less than thinking about food. I don't like planning for it, making it or cleaning up after it. It's stupid and all I want in life is to eat nothing but bagels. But this just in: Bagels are not exactly "good for you". Stupid.

So anyways, I'm going to be miserable for the next several months. If you work at a bakery and come anywhere near me, I will eat your skin just so I can get the sweet, sweet taste of bread and numminess. So, you know, head's up!


sarahabt said...

i lost 30 pounds on weight watchers....walked 1 mile 4 times a week. Weight watchers is great....just stick to cheating...and count points faithfully....

sarahabt said...

also...I had a half a bagel can eat anything on weight watchers....just count the points!!