Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Giant Jeans

Claire made fun of my jeans for approximately 45 minutes tonight. I went over to her place to watch Sons of Anarchy because she has cable and I don't and her house is fun and mine is not and Pizza Luce delivers there and...well, okay, Luce delivers here, but ordering a large 'za and large salad is so much more appropriate when you are with someone else and are NOT alone in your apartment watching Here Comes Honey Boo Boo. Anyway, I went over there to bask in the homey goodness.

However, while I was there, she pants'd me.

See, I have this pair of jeans. They are my favoritest pair of jeans ever. I bought them by saying "I want a giant pair of jeans to make me feel supes skinny." That was like 8 years ago. I still wear them because they are still way too big, but now they are also soft and I don't have to unbutton them to take them off. (I can't even sit down when I wear them, because they hang too low and no shirt in the world is long enough to cover what they can't.)

But I love them. A LOT. Sadly, Claire told me I needed to retire the Silver brand jeans from 8 years ago because they hang right around my knees and "look ridiculous." So whenever I wear them, she thinks it's hilarious to pull them down to try and teach me a lesson.

Tonight, she called them "sweans." As in: Sweatpant Jeans. They are loose and soft and comfy...a la sweatpants. But I can wear them out in public and with non-workout shirts, which makes them jeans. She still insists that I need to get rid of them. There is a hole on the left thigh, and the bottom hems look like they've been eaten by pit bulls or raccoons or both. But I NEED them.

I need these jeans because they are the perfect length. I need them because they are a part of no style trend whatsoever. They are just jeans. I need them because people keep telling me I have to stop wearing  sweatpants in public and these are the bombest possible alternative. I need them because they have a tiny dot of pink glitter glue on the left hip that I constantly pick at, but never comes off. I need them because I'm sick of jeans that suck you all in and leave nothing to the imagination.

So, when Claire yanks them down because they are comically large, I don't care.  I mean, I don't LIKE it, but I'm not about to get rid of them. Also? Geo likes them. I have a whole new attitude when I wear them. I am comfortable and not wearing stilettos and don't have to constantly tend to them. Instead, they just hang.

Yeah. I love my giant jeans. Doesn't EVERYone have one article of clothing that they have and love that everyone else hates? What's yours?


Madeline Solien said...

pharon, while I love to support you in everything you do, I'm on the Claire train. Those jeans suck and they are NOT flattering. Do not get sucked into the idea that because something hangs off of you that the rest of the world thinks "Oh, look at that girl, she's so skinny that her pants look so big!" That isn't what happens...they go "look at that schlumpy girl, I bet she didn't shower today" which may or may not be true but don't give them ammo! Throw them away and buy a nice pair of appropriate fitting jeans that will also be very comfortable. Don't make me send you to What Not To Wear.
p.s. Also, those jeans are NOT the perfect length. You've just let them rot away on the bottom until their real length is nasty ground sweeping.

Pharon Square said...

Madeline, I respectfully disagree with you and am reconsidering our friendship.

Anonymous said...

Pharon, this is your mother! I totally agree with Madeline. Throw the jeans! I will buy you a new pair! -Mom

Also, I signed Anonymous because I don't have a clue what those other "Choose an Identity" choices mean.

SARAH ABT said...

I agree..what are you thinking!!!!! Take advice from your DEAR CRABBY friends..buy some new jeans...that fit....PANTS ON THE GROUND..PANTS ON THE GROUND...

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