Sunday, July 29, 2012

Unfunny Business

I guess it all started with an N'Sync concert. I was in high school, and I had nothing but earnest pseudo-confidence. I went with two girl friends and we spent 5 1/2 weeks getting ready. On the big night, we were on our way to the concert at Target Center. I was in a very carefully chosen outfit of leopard-print pants and a black tube top. I was SURE that I would meet the band and they would ask me to go on tour with them as their personal form of comic-relief.

Shocker! It didn't happen. My friends Tara and Julie and I ended up back at my parents house, no more famous or connected than we were 5 1/2 weeks ago. It was a disappointment, to say the least.

I have always had this firm belief that all I needed was a CHANCE and I would befriend my celebrity heroes. One concert. One meeting. One SOMETHING and I would be able to touch the sun. In the form of celebrities.

Now, sdkjfiwoeit years later, I found myself in the exact same position for disappointment. I bought tickets to see Comedy Bang Bang weeks ago. It's my favorite podcast of all time and now they were doing a live show in MY CITY. I have become this weird groupie of comics, the likes of which have never been seen before. Remember the post when I actually TALKED about being obsessed with comedians? Yeah. So when I heard they were doing a live show in Minneapolis, I changed my pants 5 times before I calmed down. And Tonight. Was. The. Night.

I spent all day thinking about the show. I woke up early, laughing. I spent my afternoon watching stand-up comics and old TV shows that featured CBB favorites. I was READY. I was all "I'm pretty sure there is no way that I won't meet these guys. They are IN MY CITY. I will be in the SAME ROOM as the people I just totally pee my pants over." I picked the most obnoxiously bright shirt I have - florescent yellow, FYI - so I was sure to snatch the attention of my idols.

Geo and I met up with Perek and his wife and our friend Mitch and his fiance Valerie. We were ALL psyched. We watched the 2 hour show, doubling over with laughter. I was careful not to heckle or be obnoxious. I wanted to meet these guys and not have them be afraid of/annoyed by me. So I played it cool.

Too cool.

After the 2 hour show, EVERY SINGLE PERSON I WAS WITH left immediately. We had all had too much beer and not enough bathroom breaks. (The theme of this post is, apparently, peeing.) I, like a grown up, went and stood in line for the bathroom after the show. I heard the comics say "We'll be over to the side to say hello to everyone after the show."

Natch, I cut my allotted pee-time short. I locked it up halfway through just so I could get back out and meet these guys. As soon as I got out of the bathroom, though, all my so-called friends HAD LEFT. These supposed "fans" of the podcast couldn't wait 20 minutes to meet the people who make us all laugh hysterically for 90 minutes every week. I found Geo, who HAD to wait for me. I said "What happened? Where is everyone?" He was all "They had to pee so they left." I looked, confused, at the public bathrooms at our disposal and then looked, longingly, at the line of people waiting to meet MY as-yet-unknown-to-them best friends. I could tell immediately by his body language that I would not be able to talk Geo into waiting in line to talk to them. And I really did need a stupid ride home.

So, we left. And like the N'Sync concert, I returned home deflated. No different than before I put on my metaphorical leopard-print pants or florescent yellow shirt.

Sure, I had laughed. And I laughed HARD. But I just felt so incomplete when we left. I was thisclose to having a conversation with people I really want to bribe into being my friends. I had even brought cash and pictures of my prettiest friends. But, here I am. Sitting with Geo. Watching the news, which is NOT about me becoming a local hero for being friends with some of the most talented comics. Ugh. So not funny.

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