Monday, July 2, 2012

Triple Show Cow

So, I took two showers today. Why is that important, you ask? It's not. Um, is ANYTHING I put on here important? Moving on... 

Listen, I took two showers today because it is hotter than Hades here. Despite the fact that I have it FREEEEEE central air (OMG, I mean, I THINK it's free...suddenly that doesn't sound right. Whatevs), I got overheated just looking outside. I wanted to walk to the coffee shop this morning, and as I looked out onto the street, it already had those wavy heat lines goin' on. At 8 a.m. It was going to be a scorcher. Plus, my skin is still on fire from the sunburn.

So I thought it was a good idea to take an ice cold triple show cow. (That's what Kim and I call "showers" when we REALLY need rhymes with "triple salchow" which is like the most awesome women's ice skating move ever and makes everyone all impressed). Despite perfectly executing my show cow, I stepped outside and I caught on fire.

Turns out, Dunn Bros Internet hates me and wouldn't let me on. So, I had to go BACK outside and walk the traumatic 3/4 of a block back to my house. The sole of my flip flops had melted onto the pavement and it was all I could do to make it back to my house without my laptop exploding in the desert heat. About 8 hours later, I wrapped up a successful day of work, forgetting all about the hell outside.

My short memory is the only reason I made it to kickboxing tonight. I walked outside, stopped breathing for a few minutes, and made it to my car. Which was roughly the same temperature as Satan's mouth. I nearly went back to my apartment, convinced that the amount I had already sweated was the same as working out for 70 minutes. But, I couldn't get out of my car because my hands had already melted onto the steering wheel.

See, now here's what TRULY makes me an idiot. After I worked out, I went grocery shopping before coming back home. While strolling through the grocery store, I decided that I would make a very healthy dinner. It never occurred to me that to make it, I would have to crank my stove up to 450 degrees and cook it for like a billion minutes. In fact, I didn't realize what I had done until Geo called out from the other room "Is it just me, or is, like, SUPER hot in here?" I was about to say it was just him and call him a wuss or something, until I realized I was still sweating from kickboxing..because I hadn't executed my second triple show cow yet.Gross.

Thus, the second shower. However, I'm still ON FIRE because my skin burns hurt from all the showering, and I can't stop watching Girls on my computer, so it too is a billion degrees. Everything about everything is hot right now. I'm sleeping in the shower tonight.

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