Wait, SIZED or RESIZED?
Turns out, that was one of the most confusing questions in all of jewelry-dom. I thought I would take about 15 minutes to run to the store, have 'em size me and call me tomorrow when it was ready to be picked up. Spoiler alert: I was wrong in every way.
Okay, so I did my best to look and smell as broke as I am so that the vultures at the store would leave me alone, but that only sort of worked. I walked in, and said "Hi. I need my ring sized."
The dude said "Sized or REsized?"
I said "There's a difference?"
He laughed condescendingly before ushering me over to the bridal jewelry section. He said "Oooh, I can tell you've had this ring for some time. Have you considered a new band?"
I said "Um. I got it in March. From here. If it's already as worn as you think it is, I should maybe consider asking for a refund."
We shared a very polite and awkward laugh before he led me far, far away from the bridal jewelry.
So, he slips some other rings on and says "Well, whaddya think?" I was all "Um, I don't know, what size am I?" He laughs again (did I miss a joke?) and says "Oh, well, YOU need to tell ME that!" I said "Um, okay, well, the 5 feels a little tight and the 4 1/2 feels a little tighter. Which do I choose?" And he said "Well, do you want a little tight or a little tighter?"
I nearly turned and walked of the store just then. Instead, I said "Well, I guess the 5. You don't have anything in between?" He said "No," (which was a LIE!) "I'm sure you're a 5. Probably. You can bring it back in if it's still too big." I said "I'd really like to avoid that."
More uncomfortable laughing.
Okay, we decide on the 5 and he's asking me all my information. When I spell my name - P.H.A.R.O.N for anyone new around here - a woman sidles up to him and nods, knowingly.
Woman: Travis, are you thinking what I'm thinking?
Travis (apparently): Totally!
Me: ... [I say nothing because I couldn't care less about what these two are thinking.]
Woman and Travis, simultaneously: THE INITIAL PENDANT!
What they said next is very, VERY real.
Woman: Listen, I couldn't help but overhearing your wonderful name!
Me: Thanks. I love it!
Woman: So, I shouldn't tell you this, but we have this A-MAY-ZING white gold pendant with an initial on it that was $160 but is marked down to $20!!!!
Travis: Oh, Suzy is right! It's a crazy-good deal. You can't pass this up.
Suzy (apparently): One small thing, though. The initial is an F. But you could totally pass for an F!
I'll let that sink in.
I politely decline while banging my head against the counter. I say "I'm in more of a gold phase right now, but thanks. Also, people are already confused enough about my name, so I shouldn't make it worse." Then Suzy says "Well, you could TELL people it's an F, like as a joke!" and Travis helpfully adds, "Oooh! Or a nickname!"
I say no, and try to get things moving by not-so-subtly picking my nose. That seems to do the trick and they tell me my ring will be ready in a short THREE WEEKS. Because I seriously believed they would replace my diamond with a letter F in that time, I tell them that's too long and go to a different location, with much MUCH saner workers who assured me the sizing (I am a 4 3/4, like I suspected) would be done this week, sans initials of any kind.
The moral of the story is that Travis and Suzy are the worst things about everything.