Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Dear Crabby

Happy Summer Solstice, everyone! Did you enjoy the longest day of the year? Looks like we've got plenty of time to get to some Dear Crabby questions!

Dear Crabby,
Whose big idea was it to put 6 McDonald's between my work and home? Even though it's cheap, it's seriously hurting my wallet, since I end up going like 3 times a week. Also, I'm getting super fat. Suggestions?
Thanks,
Beach Body


Hey Beach Body,
I'm pretty sure it was probably Satan's idea to put all those McDonald's on your work route. However, it is strictly your fault for eating there 3 - THREE! - times a week. That's rough, lady. Although, I can't help but sympathize. There is a Bruegger's Bagels less than 8 blocks away from my apartment now, and every day I have to fight the carby urge to shove 5 everything bagels in my mouth hole. So far, I've succeeded. But if I had to pass up the urge 12 times a day, I would probably give in too. But, it's making you poor and fat, so you should probably knock it off. I guess my suggestion would be to stop eating there. Bring a snack to work so you aren't hungry on your way home. Or just wear tight pants that are a, eh hem, firm reminder that fast food is not helping anything. Good luck, though. It ain't easy bein' greasy...

Dear Crabby,
What's it like to a kiss a boy?
XOXOXOX,
Lip Smackers


Dear Lip Smackers,
How should I know? I've never kissed anyone. I did learn something from my 3-year-old niece, though. She said she could share germs via a sucker with her sister because their parents kissed at their wedding. Total non-sequitur, but still pretty important science lesson. I guess until you're ready to have kids who can share germs, you should probably avoid kissing at all costs.

Dear Crabby,
What's up with your Kate Spade obsession? It's kind of creepy, don't you think?
Good luck, chump,
Kate Hater


Gee, what a privilege it is to hear from you, Kate Hater!
If you couldn't tell, that was sarcasm. My obsession with Kate Spade is the equivalent of a guy's obsession with a sports team. Geo loves Lebron James, I love classic lines and quirky details. Although I hardly think I have to defend myself to the likes of YOU, Hater, I will tell you that I simply appreciate any and everything Ms. Spade creates. I have reserved a place on my wedding guest list for her - and a guest! - in the hopes of getting rejected on beautiful stationary. Is that REALLY so odd? No. Okay, FINE. Probably. Whatever. I love her and I don't care what you think. Unless you're her, in which case, I would TOTALLY love it if when you file a restraining order, you have it delivered in a flicker bon shopper. Is that really so much to ask?

Alright, kids. The sun has finally gone down and I've officially gotten distracted by shopping for a new purse, so you're on your own for the rest of the night. Have more questions? Send 'em to pharonsquare@gmail.com and I'll try and get to them next week. Maybe. Give it a shot and we'll see, I guess...

1 comment:

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