Monday, November 21, 2011

Long Distance Charges

I've been working so hard and doing new, fun things lately that I nearly forgot to start my One Month Countdown until I get to see Geo again. November 15 came and went and this morning I woke up and thought "OMG. He'll be back home in 24 days!" Part of me felt guilty about that. It's only been like 3 1/2 months and I've already slipped in one of the only parts that keeps me sane: the countdown. You know, it's like "I'll see Geo in 3 weeks, which is only 3 weekends. This first weekend doesn't count because it's the first weekend, and the second weekend is my chance to do whatever I want, and then I'll only have 5 work days until I have to shave again. I better get going!" Trust me, it makes the time fly!

Here's the thing about long distance that I've been coming to terms with lately. I always thought the hardest part would just be missing him. Seeing his dumb face every day. Going to dinner together, having coffee while he checks Facebook and I pin stuff on Pinterest...stuff like that.

But no. That's NOT the hardest part. Sure I miss him loads and heaps and tons, but the hardest part of doing "long distance" is actually feeling like an actual girlfriend, knowing the whole time that my legs are as hairy as a yeti and my bedazzled sweatpants are getting WAY too much use these days. I have paid pretty much no attention attention to any new, fun, schwanky restaurants - because I'M certainly not paying $50 for scallops and broccolini. And spending a Saturday with Friday night's makeup smeared on my cheek is totally fine with me.

You know, people TOLD me long distance was hard. They were all "Pharon, I don't know if you have the guts for it." And I was all "Eat my shorts, jerks." I totes have the guts for it, but it would have been way more awesome if just ONE of those same people told me what I should expect instead of telling me "it's hard".

It's like someone telling you that bananas are gross, but they never tell you that they're gross because of the TEXTURE. They're like "I don't know, bananas are just, like, hard to eat. I can't explain it." When REALLY they should be saying "Eating a banana is like what it must be like to take a bite out of a dog's tail. Mushy but firm. Grainy, but instantly regurgitated-like. Like someone already chewed it and the put it back in the peel." THAT'S a description, people. Sheesh.

So here's a tip for you unlucky folks doing the long distance thing. It sucks because a bunch of the best parts of dating someone are a bajillion miles away. And then every night when you talk to him/her, there's a lot more 'splaining to do. You have to describe everything a little clearer because no, Geo DOESN'T know what I mean when I describe my new work clothes as "business casual, but like casual business casual". And going out with people who are couples is dumb, because you're not going as part of a couple, and going out with single friends is hard, because you're not SINGLE either. It's the Coke Zero of dating. The worst parts of two very different things shoved together, trying pass as one thing.

Yeah, so everything is just harder. It's like driving in the snow. The roads and your car are the same, but everything takes twice as long and you end up avoiding a bunch of chores because it's just too much work and no one's around to judge you if you don't do it.

But tonight I spent the whole night making an adorable Pinterest project that I'm sending to Geo. On the very slim chance he reads this, I'm not going to say what it is. (If you're following me, you'll probably see it on my "She's Crafty" board.) It took a lot of time. It's cheesy. It's very girlie, and very un-Pharonlike. But I knew something had to be done. Forgetting - even if briefly - that I'll be seeing him in like 3 1/2 weeks shook me up and I felt really bad. I mean, not bad enough to change out of my steps, people.


Madeline Solien said...

This post should have been called "Metaphor Central"...granted, I now know exactly what you mean about everything except casual business casual...and the gross dog's tail thing....

sarah abt said...

absence makes the heart grow fonder,,,,

Geo said...

"on the very slim chance that he reads this".... does this mean that I will soon understand what Pinterest is?! Miss you like a crazy person cakesy!

Madeline Solien said...

Geo, I hope it's something like a mirror that she painted to say "Look! You don't ACTUALLY have a dumb face!" and then decorated with ribbons and sparkles...cause we all know how you secretly love sparkles