Calm, Cool, Collec...OMG I'm Freaking Out!

Here we are...the night before the big, bad, first day of a new job. Eeeee! Can't you feel the excitement?! I can. I thought I'd be more nervous, actually. But so far, I'm just terrified of getting lost and/or being late. There is NOTHING that stresses me out more than being lost and/or late. So, you better believe I'll be roughly 45 minutes early tomorrow. Whatevs. It's how I roll.

This weekend, my rock star mom took me on the kind of shopping trip every girl dreams of. We picked out some new work duds, because I'm pretty sure she was nervous I'd end up wearing a wrinkled, stained sweater and too-tight pants with 6-inch stilettos on my first day. She might NOT have been too far off. So, I performed my own little Pretty Woman shopping montage at the Mall of America with my mom and Prinna. The only difference, though, was instead of slipping on tons of perfectly fitting clothes, I was violently throwing things out of the fitting room that were too small, too long, or too...ugly. Note: I do NOT look the same in short mini skirts as the 8-foot tall, 120 pound woman that models them.

But I found loads of awesome, cute new things, right down to the socks. I'm ready for my first day. I feel like it's the night before the first day at a new school, though. Yes, I have the CLOTHES now, but what if I get lost? Where are the bathrooms? Oh, and based on my personal history, I know I have a tendency to trip down stairs and make a fool out of myself during the ice breaking "get-to-know-you" games. Do people REALLY need to know I chased my brother with a knife when I was like 8 years old? No, no they do not. Will I be able to reign in the over-sharing? Let's hope so.

Meh, I figure that tomorrow will be the equivalent of Syllabus Day at college. You know, sure you GO, but you're just learning for that day. You don't need to like show up and ace a final exam. Uh oh. I just said that to Claire and Andrew and was immediately hit with a sense of panic. What if I DO have to take some kind of test? What if, for some horrible reason, they make me take the SAT or something? I canNOT do math! I can't even REMEMBER science! I mean, sure I'd nail the reading and writing sections, but so what?

GREAT. Juuuuuust great. I made it through the entire weekend being all relaxed and confident, and now, at the 11th hour, I have managed to work myself into a tizzy. Oh, and even BETTER? I've completely rethought my outfit for tomorrow. Doing math and science makes my neck very sweaty, and I just don't think a turtleneck will help that highly unlikely situation.

Well, that's just wonderful. I thought this blog would only add to my calmness. I thought I'd be all "La la la, I'm cool as a cucumber. Calm as a kitty. Zen like a ninja." But now, instead, I gotta go and spend a ton of time pacing and spazzing out. Thanks for nothing, Blog!