Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Dear Crabby

Well, BUMMER. I took my last bus ride to work today. It was bittersweet. Actually, it wasn't. It was just a regular bus ride. I was already home before I realized it had been the last one, and I kind of just thought "Awww...I'll miss the bus ride. Not the waiting for a bus, or running to a bus, or the people who sit TOO CLOSE to me or talk TOO LOUDLY. But the zoning out for 20 minutes on the way to and from work was a luxury I will certainly miss." Meh, anyway...let's move on to real problems.

Dear Crabby,

I've been thinking of starting a book club with my friends. I'm not a HUGE fan of reading, but I really want to get more literary. Do you have any good suggestions I should keep in mind? I don't even know where to start!

The End,
Reading is FUNdamental!

Hey yo, Reading is FUNdamental!
WHAT A COIN-KI-DINK! I just got home from my book club! (BTW, it's NOT a coin-ki-dink. I've been saving this question for a couple weeks now so I could make it sound super relevant.) I have the greatest book club ever. We read good books, bring delicious food, and drink gallons of wine. All you need for a great book club is a smallish group of friends (I think any more than 8 people gets to be too crowded and then there are never enough brownies to go around anyway), open minds, and a willingness to get to know each other. I only knew like 2 people in my book club initially. Now I love them all! If you are a serious reader, only invite serious readers. If you are using the cover of "Book Club" to camouflage your desire to drink on the weekdays, don't invite 20 pregnant women. Get some fun girls, and just choose a book. After that, it's totally up to you where you take it. My book club brings food each month - usually themed to match the book - and then we spend most of the time talking about and eating the food. Then we discuss the book for 7 minutes (4 minutes of which are simply spent summarizing the book for those who didn't read that month) and spend the rest of the night discussing life - a.k.a. Kim Kardashian and Pinterest. Go ahead and start one up! There's no wrong way to do it as long as you invite fun people!!

Dear Crabby,

PUKE! I have to get glasses! I broke my first and only pair of glasses billions of years ago, and I've worn contacts for FOREVER, so I never needed the replace damn things, but now my doc insists I have a pair. What do I DO?! I look trrrrible with glasses and I just really am dreading going in to get them. HELP!

UGH. Thanks.
-Four Eyes

How's it hangin, Four Eyes?
Are you in like 5th grade? Because if not, then I'm confused. What is the big deal with wearing glasses? They make people look wicked smart, accentuate your eyeballs, and oh yeah! THEY HELP YOU SEE. Buck up, soldier. Glasses are IN right now. Think of them as more of an accessory. Find a style you love and start dressing like Tina Fey and people will fall in love with you. It's as simple as that. And hey - you can still wear your contacts when you want to, but having and wearing glasses is not the end of the world. Unless, wait. ARE you in 5th grade? And do you also have braces, a bowl cut and no social skills (man, apparently 5th grade was a rough year for me)? Because even if that's the case, the glasses would be the least of your problems. If that's NOT the case, you need to build a bridge and get over it. Maybe once you have your glasses, you'll be able to see how ridiculous you sound. Glasses are great. Embrace it!

Dear Crabby,

If you had one superpower, what would it be? And why? I'd probably choose x-ray vision because then I could totally have a stable job working for the airlines or at a hospital or something. What about you?

Can't wait to hear back!
-Super Duper!

I'm glad you asked, Super Duper,
If I could have one superpower, it would obviously be Shape Shifting. I'd be a leggy supermodel one day, and a brawny frat boy the next. Anything to get into the best parties, amiright?! Yeah, I firmly believe that the Shape Shifting superpower is not only the best, most useful power. It's also probably the most underrated, which means I'd be one of only a small group of Shifters. Yeah, so, that's that. Thanks for the question? That was weird...

Thanks for the questions this week! What about you, Squares? What superpower would YOU have? Did I overlook any? Let me know in the comments, super heroes. And if you have your OWN question for yours truly, and I know you do, email and I'll use my current superpower of solving all your problems. I'll see you back here next week, Same Bat Time, Same Bat Channel.

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