Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Dear Crabby - Turkey Edition

I hate to break it to you guys, but I'm too pooped for any good advice this week. So, I've pulled some of the easiest, dumbest questions for Dear Crabby out of the ol' archives and I'm going to breeze through them. I give you...the turkeys.

Dear Crabby,

I've been told at work that sometimes my clothes at work are "not appropriate". I am assuming, though, that some of the women are a little intimidated by my striking looks, so I don't take too much offense. It's getting annoying, though. They glare at me in the lunch room, and I think at least of them is adding weight-gain powder to the coffee to punish me for my well-maintained body. What can I do to get these haters off my back?

Thank you!
Don't Hate Me Because I'm Beautiful

Dear Brainless,
You are probably dressing like a skank. No one is poisoning your coffee, and those glares you are getting are most likely justified. The work place is no place to show off your, eh hem, assets. Stop worrying about them, and pull yourself together. They are not out to punish you, and that attitude only exacerbates the situation. Take a little trip out of the Juniors section at Abercrombie and into the real world. If your company is telling you that you are inappropriate, that makes YOU the problem. Put on a longer skirt and stop hating on the other women. It makes you sound immature. But you know, good luck with the professional world...

Dear Crabby,
Are you going shopping for Black Friday!!?!? I can't wait!!!!!!!!!!

Love you, Crabby!

Dear Shopaholic,
No, I'm not going shopping on Black Friday. I am too crabby for crazy crowds. But hey! Feel free to by me something nice!!

Dear Crabby,
I'm ridiculously pregnant, and I'm due on Dec. 3. But I'm already dilating and I have a feeling I may go into labor this weekend while everyone is in town for the holiday. Is there anything you think I should do to prepare everyone for the possibility of me going into labor?

Thanks bunches,
Turkey - and bun - in the oven

Hello friend,
I have no idea what to tell you. I guess don't lift anything heavy, and oh yeah! Maybe don't sit near the stuffing. If you ruin that with all your baby juice, people might never forgive you. I guess the plus side is that it sounds like there are going to be plenty of people around to help, should your bun decide to come out. Whatever happens, it sounds like it could be gross. Good luck! (Are you going to name your babeh Pharon? 'Cause that would be tops...)

That's all I can muster. I'm tucking myself in and going to bed to dream of turkey, pie, and various kinds of potatoes. Have a WONDERFUL Thanksgiving, everyone! Make sure to say "thanks" to everyone who deserves it! And give a swift punch in the throat to everyone who deserves THAT. Happy Thanksgiving! :)


Grandmaman said...

and a Happy Thanksgiving to you and your wonderful family!

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