Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Dear Crabby

Well, Happy Hour went longer than anticipated because two of my friends (KELLY AND FREDA) didn't sign up for our Fantasy Football draft in time, so that just never happened. Who knew ESPN would be so strict with their rules?! Anyhoozle, I had a lovely Happy Hour with Lana and Valerie, and then I made them come back to my pad to check out the dresses I had ordered online. Spoiler Alert: Neither worked. I over-estimated my measurements, and I was stuck with a saggy - albeit beautiful - Calvin Klein dress that no one was into. Whatevs. Let's get some Dear Crabby out of the way so I can help some peeps.

Dear Crabby,

I am thinking about deactivating my Facebook page. Thoughts? Why should/shouldn't I? Thanks, buddy ol' pal. BTW: It's separate, but significant, but I found out my very very ex-boyfriend was engaged recently on FB. All I know is that I could have done without that information.

Comment on My Status

Dear Comment on My Status,

You are most certainly not alone in your desire to flee from the FB. There have been so many stories lately about people who just get too MUCH information (i.e. "just did my 7th Pilates class of the week!!!!") or too INTIMATE information (i.e. "Just got my tubes tied! Baby factory is OVER!") that they would otherwise not want to know. It's almost become the chain letter from the 90's. You feel like you SHOULD participate, but you don't want to because you really just don't care. What if 10 people don't "like" your status update in the next ten minutes? Will you never find True Love?! It's time's oldest question: Do I, or Don't I participate in Facebook? I mean, we all feel like we SHOULD check in on Facebook, but when it's dumb and mundane, what good does it do us? It's ANNOYING to hear about only fabu things happening to other people who you aren't even necessarily friends with. La la la, that girl you had Math with in High School had her 16th baby. Huzzah! Wait, WHO CARES?! It's bad for your self-esteem. Unless you get some sense of JOY from your Facebook (I personally love pics of my family, statuses that are hilarious), then close up shop. It's dumb. It's become a hive of business promotions and bragging rights. I say, check out, never look back, and set up a Twitter and Picasa account. Unless you rely on FB for your Social Calendar, you'll be golden, Pony Boy. I support you!!!

Dear Crabby,

My boyfriend and I CONSTANTLY fight about sleeping with the fan on. One night we'll keep it on, and he whines non-stop about being too cold. But when he turns it OFF, and the air is all stuffy and hot, I can't sleep! However, HE sleeps like a baby with a Nuk. Any suggestions on compromises?

Your Biggest FAN!

Dear Biggest FAN,

If he's such a man, he should buck up and be able to handle a nice, calming breeze. If he can't, buy him a bra and hopefully that will warm him up.

That's it guys. It's all I can take tonight. I'm too upset and violent about missing my first chance at being in a Fantasy Draft (NOTE TO EVERYONE: I'm pretty much the biggest Girl Football Fan ever...stop skipping over me, jerks!) so I'm going to sign off. If you've still got burning questions, feel free to email and I'll go ahead and solve allllllll your problems.

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