Dear Crabby

Well hooray for my awesome Book Club! This month, we decided against the cliche "read a book" and instead opted to go to the movie The Help because it was the first book we read in our club oh so many months ago. It was good. Lots of laughs, some people shed a few touching tears...it was a gooooood time. But now it's down to business...

Dear Crabby,

I'm worried I'm undate-able lately. I'm always a guy's FRIEND, never anything more. I've tried asking guys out, only to end up discussing their own problems with another girl. I mean, they're nice and all, but I want more. More than a few men have told me they see me as "one of the guys". And I've tried asking them to hook me up with any single guy friends they have, but nothing ever materializes. What can I do get out of Friend Territory, and into Something More??

Thanks!
A Guy's Best Friend

Well, for starters, try getting in with guys who are available. Secondly, it's tough out there, lady. I know plenty of awesome single ladies who are frustrated. Here's the deal, though. I think you just have to keep plugging away. Oh, and how's your self-esteem? I'm pretty sure if YOU'RE confident, you'll have no trouble succeeding. Unless you're crazy. Are you crazy? 'Cause crazy girls are tough to fix up. Be honest with yourself, and your expectations, and go from there. As long as you're confident, and totally NOT crazy, I have nothing but faith that you'll find the right dude. Keep at it, though, and step outside your comfort zone and you might be surprised with what you find. Good luck out there, player!

Dear Crabby,

I know it's summer and everything, but I LOVE the look of a denim mini skirt and Uggs. I'm getting a little older though, but are there any times it's okay to mismatch seasonal attire? I live in Wisconsin, so we're not exactly the fashion capitol of the world, but we're not hicks either! Tell me, though, can I get away with the Uggs/mini skirt??

Thanks!
Confused Couture

No. It's NOT okay. Step away from the Uggs...especially in the summer. You are not Britney Spears circa 2005. Put them away, and strap on some cute sandals. Let your poor tootsies breathe! I don't care if you live in Wisconsin or Tokyo or what. It's not okay. Consider this your Tough Love lesson. You will look like an idiot if you choose that outfit. Sorry. I love you, but just...no.

Dear Crabby,

Sooooo....I'm getting married this winter, and I'm pumped! Now, I'm trying to figure out the details on bridesmaid's dresses. What color(s) should I choose? What style? How much is too much to ask my gals to spend? I really don't want to be all Bridezilla about it, you know? What do you think?

Thanks! Love love love you!
-I Do (Not Want to Be a Bridezilla)

Hey yooo...here's all you need to do. Spend some quality time with the TV when there is a Bridezilla and/or Say Yes To the Dress marathon on. You'll learn more from those shows than I could ever teach you. It's like they're Yoda. But I guess I'll just tell you this, though: Don't ask them to do anything for you that you wouldn't be willing to do for them. Because if you abuse your bridal power, karma will come back around punch you in your newlywed butt and you'll be at your friend's wedding in a neon orange, puffy-sleeved monstrosity. Just focus on having fun, and making it special. I'm sure everyone will look great! Send pics to me after the wedding!!

Alright, those were pretty easy. I guess it's okay though, since I'm pooped and I'm ready for bed. Are you still hungry for more, though? Didn't quite get your own personal problem solved? Send in your questions to pharonsquare@gmail.com and get your question answered by the smartest person in the world! (Me, in case you were confused.)