Tuesday, August 30, 2011


A Love Letter

Oh zappos.com, how I love thee. Let me count the ways:

You are awesome at shipping stuff to me. I ordered dresses today, and they will be delivered tomorrow, which is just tops. (Almost) No waiting! However, I am almost 100% certain they will look, um, not so good on me, so I also love that...

Your return shipping policy is second to none. It's hard to buy clothes online. There is no unflattering lightning, no judgmental salespeople, no promise of a 40% discount with the purchase of an ugly necklace. All we have with online purchasing is "Hey, that's cute! I want to have that!" And when your pre-teen models don't exactly showcase the goods, putting the dress on my own body is sometimes...disappointing. Therefore, the ability to return a dress with no judgement, no "Why didn't this work out for you? Did you check out our 2-for-1 leggings?", AND no charge? Yes please!

Now, despite your obsession with showcasing your staff of models, who are - for the most part - exactly the same size, I trust your judgement with it comes to how an item will fit. These Marc Jacobs shorts run a little small? Thanks for the head's up! I love me some insider information. I will suggest, however, that because approximately 9 out of 12 of your female models claim their size is "2 or 4", you expand your options. I want to see what this strapless dress looks like on a girl who has gone through puberty. Is that too much to ask? Also, you list the model's shoe size. Which is...um...completely unnecessary. It's like telling you that my IQ is about 234056. No one cares.

In that same vein, I did have to take my own hip measurements this morning because Zappos isn't exactly forthcoming with their sizing charts. Which was wholly depressing. On the one hand, thanks for giving me the hip measurements of your dress, Zappos, but all that means to me is a panicked tailor session for me. I wrapped a novelty tape measure around what I assumed were my hips. The numbers weren't adding up. So, then I had to google "how do I measure my hips" for a very thorough description of how to take ALLLLL my measurements. My assumptions at the beginning of the day were way off the reality that came up on the promotional tape measure. I went ahead and assumed that the measuring tool must be wrong, and my arbitrary measurements are right. I will assume the reality of the fit will greatly differ from the "reality" of math.

But, ordering clothes online is like Christmas. Tomorrow is Wednesday, and Wednesday's are dumb. BUT! When I get home from an inevitably long day at work tomorrow, I get prizes in the mail! Yay! People don't get anything in the mail anymore. Besides bills. Which are total downers. But dresses? Yes please!

So, Zappos, I love you. I understand our relationship is sometimes lacking, but you just know how to pick a girl up after a long, dumb day. And even if I don't love the dresses I get tomorrow, I still love YOU.

Oh Zappos...an online store by any any other name...

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