Well, that seals it. Liz and Claire - both are my very dear friends - have developed some freaky dumb friendship that has nothing to do with me. And now I'm the odd man out. The lone wolf. The single hand clapping.
Here's the sticky. I am friends with Liz. She came over to hang out with me tonight. Then she and Claire decided they were besties, and that's when my worlds collided. I started very maturely complaining that they weren't allowed to be friends with each other, because I'm the Connector, and you can't leave the Connector out. Then Claire's boyfriend made fun of me for calling Claire and Liz "Friend Poachers". I guess he doesn't seem to understand the trauma that goes on when two girls meet each other, and the Connector Friend gets left in the lurch.
It all started with the GYM (doesn't it always?) See, I hate the gym. It's dumb. All that sweat and germs? Gnarly. Anyway, so Claire was trying to get me to go her fancy-shmancy gym with her. I said "No". Because, you know, the sweat and germs. Then she recruited Liz to join her fancy gym, and before I knew it, they were making plans to go swimming and Zumba-ing together. Rude! I wanna go!
So then I'm all "No, you guys are MY friends. Not EACH OTHER'S friends!" (Again, so mature.) No one seemed to notice or care. They just kept making fun "we're new friends" plans and then they started playing Scrabble together.
Is this something any other women do? Get all boundary-crazy with your pals? I'll admit it. I'm very protective of my friends. And I don't like to Ven Diagram them (yay for math!) I like it when all my ducks are in a row, and I'm the puppeteer (I apparently also love mixing metaphors). When I was in college, there were horrible situations wherein my High School friends would meet my College Friends and no one would like each other, and I turned into the rope in a tug-o-war. They all fought for my attention. I loved it.
But now, as adults, it turns out all my friends somehow like each other. I'm pretty sure that means that I've gotten really awesome at choosing friends. The bad side is that now, not only do they LIKE each other, but they, like, wanna HANG OUT TOGETHER. Without Me. How rude is that? I prefer my friends to be at an arms length from each other. Otherwise, how am I going to pit them against each other if we end up in a full-on war?!
But now, Liz and Claire are happily playing Scrabble together, and making me watch The Shining even though I voted for Futurama. It's like I'm not even here. What happened?
I'll tell you what happened: Friend Poaching. Claire and Liz stole each other from me, and now they are fun Gym and Scrabble friends and I'm just sittin' here. Watchin' the Scrabble.
Oh, and I'm definitely not helping the situation, because I just read them this blog and now they have both decided I'm crazy and are laughing at me. Together. Worlds collided. KA BOOM!