Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Dear Crabby

Hey guys! Fab Crabby comin' atcha live from my front porch, primed and ready to dole out some serious advice! Turns out, environment plays a big role in my advice giving. I mean, how can I be all mean and crabby on a day like this?

(It's sunny, I promise. My phone has the worst camera ever to have been installed on a phone.)

Stick with me though. It'll be back to cranky, curmudgeon-y advice next week. Without further ado, here are the this week's round up of questions!

Dear Crabby,

I HATE Summer! It's hot, and I get all sweaty and sticky, and I hate it! I'm not exactly the girl prancing around in bikinis and short shorts, either. Any tips to help me get through the summer?


Dear Hottie-Bo,

I feel ya, sister. I do NOT do well in crazy heat. Last summer I described the hot summers as pea soupy-mayonnaise or something. And it's downright unladylike to sweat into your mojito while just sitting around, not even working out or anything. But fear not! Here are a couple of my favorite ways to stay cool and sane. Personally, I'm not a short shorts kinda gal either. I've got the legs of a troll doll. But I looooooove dresses. Not serious ones, that are all clingy and unflattering, but flowy, comfy dresses. BONUS! Maxi-dresses are definitely IN this summer. And ANYone can where them ANYwhere. Okay, so #1, invest in dresses. (Blogger's Note: I myself just snatched up two cute dresses on They're inexpensive, and HEYO! FREE SHIPPING!) Second tip: Revisit your makeup routine. I've stated tons of times that I don't know how to put on makeup. But in the summer, you can whittle your face frosting down to a bare minimum. It helps if you get a smidgen of color on your face, too. It's nature's bronzer and concealer. Then when you sweat, you can discretely mop up your face without anyone being the wiser afterwards. Tip Three: Bars are air conditioned. I don't think you need more explanation. Whatever you do this summer, just know that EVERYONE is going to sweat and be gross and probably smelly, and it's just the way it is. Try and forget about all that, and just have fun!

Dear Crabby,

Got any hot tips for cool ways to meet people?
[Blogger's note: The submitter's original email was a bit lengthier and less summery, so I spiced it up myself. Sorry, submitter!]

New In Town

Dear New In Town,

Um, I'll give this a shot. But be warned: I've never really lived in a place where I had to meet ALLLLLLLLLLLLL new people. I went to college in a different state, but a few kids from my high school also went there, and I joined a sorority immediately, forcing a circle of friends into my life against their will. But I can tell you have excellent taste in literature, humor, and entertainment. You DO read MY blog, after all. Chances are, you'll have no trouble finding buddies. You basically have two options. Jump on in to the deep end and just strike up conversations with people around you at your local Starbucks or whatever. Nine times out of ten, you'll meet someone nice. People are inherently friendly, so nothing too terrible could happen. I can't do that, though. I can barely ask my peripheral friends out for coffee. If that's the case with you, try starting a Happy Hour with work friends. You see them all the time, you have at least one thing in common (your job, duh), and there's really no downside to getting to know them better. Unless they are crazy, but whatever. Crazy can be fun too. No job? Hmm...that's tricky. I don't know. But whatever you do, preface everything with "I'm new in town". People love to show off what they know (or THINK they know) about their town. Barring all that, Skype constantly with your back-home friends. It'll feel like you never left.

Dear Crabby,

Do you think it's okay to date someone 15 years older than me? I met her at work, and we get along really well. I'd like to ask her out, but I'm kind of freaked out. Plus, all my friends would freak. What do you think?

Cougar Hunter

Dear Cougar Hunter,

Who cares? Ask her out! Unless you are like 15 and she's 30. Or you're 90 and she's 105 (I did ALL that math in my head, btw), in which case, that's not okay. Be prepared, though. It's a big age difference. My bf is only 3 years younger than me, and sometimes I find myself thinking "Ugh. Kids these days..." when he doesn't even know what Kids Incorporated is. But if you get along and she's not like, married and/or insane, and YOU'RE not married and/or insane, go for it. Who cares what your friends think? If YOU like her, they'll probs like her too. And if they don't, they're probably single or ugly anyways. (Whoops, the clouds are rolling in and the crabby is coming back.) Let me know how it goes!

And with that lovely, wise piece of advice, I bid you adieu. Have fun out there this week, you guys! Send in your questions for next week to And, also, PLEASE make sure you go vote for Worlds Best Commercial. There's only a few days left to vote and my brother and sister def want to win this contest!!!

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