Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Oh, Pharon

Today, a dear, loverly, awesome lady pal of mine had a baabbbbbbbbby! Gross! Amazing!! I'm so ecstatic for her and her hubby and can't wait to meet the beautiful little lady!!

As I was reflecting on the good news, I turned on the boob tube and saw that my OTHER friend's boyfriend showed up on a network television show.

Earlier this week, Prinna started a new job, Madeline got engaged, I found out another one of my friends is preggers, Claire is packing up to move to stupid Suck Carolina (South Carolin-ass? Haven't figured out that nickname yet) and my dad recently wrote plans for a movie before breakfast one morning.

Last night, I was napping on my couch and woke up with my foot in an old Lean Cuisine container.

Oh, Pharon.

I really felt like I was getting it together this past week or two. I've been working out, watching documentaries, unwrapping bricks of cheese BEFORE I eat them and this weekend, I even hung up my coat instead of tossing it casually onto a pile of garbage. I had so many tally marks in the Win column, I thought I couldn't lose.

Then on my way to the gym on Monday (wait, did you guys catch that I've been working out? 'CAUSE I HAVE. And I hate every sweaty minute of it),  I remembered that I had run out of windshield wiper fluid. I looked dejectedly at the snowy/salty/dirty windshield and you guys? I SPIT ON MY WINDSHIELD. What?! In what world is THAT the appropriate solution?

What is happening to me? I mean, I've washed my hair, like, EVERY DAY this week (almost). I have been wearing clean, matching socks. I woke up before noon without needing an alarm all weekend! I thought I was finally becoming a grown up. Instead, I think that all I've done is replace my normal skills at common sense with the far more difficult skills of looking presentable in public and learning to walk on a treadmill and watch TV at the same time, without laughing out loud.

I guess I'm not surprised that all my efforts at acting like an adult were significantly (and easily) overshadowed by the achievements of actual adults. I mean, it was either that or falling asleep on top of old food containers while watching Futurama on Netflix. Guess I was right on both accounts. Win?

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