Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Aaaaaaand boom goes the crazy girl

You know those days when you're all "La la la, all hell is breaking lose but I'm really managing to to hold it all together," and then you're wondering where to pick up your medal? I thought I was having that day yesterday. Productive day at work? Check. Quick workout? Check. Spending some quality time with Liz at her house while having some vino? Double check. I got home late, hopped in the shower and was ready to move on to the next thing on my checklist before bed: my nightly phone convo with Geo.

But what is that? Geo's in the middle of something and will call when he's done? Okay, I'll just try and relax and chill out. That shouldn't be a problem, right? RIGHT?!

Oh, crap. It IS a problem. With the unplanned 20 minutes to myself before bed, I end up losing control of all my emotional functions and coping skills. I over-think things, stress out, worry, worry, worry, and make a mental and physical list of things I have to do for work/wedding/weekend and then panic because there's no way I can do anything about these things at 11 p.m.

At the height of my little panic attack, Geo makes the mistake of calling me back on time and looking forward to a pleasant conversation.


I unleashed all my worries and frustrations three seconds into our chat. I was panting, choking on rapid breaths, pacing around my apartment while tasking him with things like "plan this wedding" and threatening to move to Alabama just to nag him at a closer distance. I was talking nonsense and babbling like an idiot for who knows how long. Then I defiantly (in defiance of exactly WHAT I had no idea) set a reminder for today to schedule a massage in an attempt to relax, only to remember this morning that massages stress me out. Ugh.

As is generally the case, I woke up this morning with a panic hangover. My fists were sore from being clenched in my sleep, my head ached with the millions of stupid little issues I crammed in there right before bed in the hopes that I could figure them out in my dreams, and I had forgotten about why exactly I had blown up the night before. In the light of day, all the Things To Do seemed doable.

Although, that feeling lasted for oh...........20 minutes before I found myself rushing out the door, late for work, and regenerating a new To Do list. Top of that list? Learn to enjoy massages and then schedule one every week so I can calm the eff down and stop panic-attacking all over Geo. Anyone got any other tips for avoiding emotionally nuclear meltdowns?

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