As many of my devoted readers will know, I have very high standards but only when it comes to very odd things. Like, I'll basically drink any wine that comes in a bottle (or box...or brown paper bag...or old milk jug) but I am perpetually on the hunt for the perfect pair of black heels because I have never found them. But one of the other things on which I have very high standards and a strong opinion is celebrities. Not just celebrities in general, but celebrities that I would like to be friends with. Now, I'm not in any immediate position to befriend anyone more famous than, say, the woman who has worked in the cafeteria at work for, like, ever (and who, I'm pretty sure, hates me anyways) but it would be foolish of me to let my guard down and lower my standards just because it is highly unlikely that I'll ever even MEET a famous person.
So I've really been on the lookout for who I may want to be friends with in Hollywood. I got some great scouting in last night when I was watching all my soon-to-be best pals at the Oscars. And in the blink of an eye, I found my new best friend: Jennifer Lawrence.
It happened so fast, you guys. It was like, one minute I'm snoring away because Seth MacFarlane was a snoozefest, and then next, minute I'm buying BFF necklaces and braiding BFF bracelets. It had nothing to do with her amahhhhz dress or her modest interview style or even her Oscar win. It all fell into place when she tripped running up the stairs to accept her Oscar. She tripped! Stars! They're Just Like Pharon! Anyway, I've decided that she is the greatest and I've made some adjustments to the list of the top 8 famous ladies I would probably be best friends with if I ever met them, cause I bumped her to the top o' the list.
* Mila Kunis
* Melissa McCarthy
* The girl who played Britney Spears' pregnant friend in Crossroads (and also B-Rabbit's ex in 8 Mile)
* Kat Dennings
* Mindy Kaling
* Sarah Silverman
* Jessica Simpson
The bottom 8 remain unchanged (these are people who are not BAD people like a Kardashian or a Lohan, but are more like people that are probably okay but are likely too annoying or high-maintenance to ever consider befriending, famous or not):
* Chelsea Handler
* Lady Gaga
* Taylor Swift
* Reese Witherspoon (I know, I don't entirely understand this one either, but there's something about her that makes me think she's never made a mistake and therefore cannot be trusted.)
* Zooey Deschanel
* Jennifer Lopez
* Anne Hathaway (Why couldn't she have stayed as non-over-hyped as when she was in Princess Diaries?!)
Great. Glad we got that squared away.