Performance Anxiety

So we're in Annual Review mode at work. Some would consider it a mere formality, but I think it's very important to take a step back and examine your personal performance from time to time. Since I'm already in "review" mode, I decided to give myself a review of my performance over the lengthy time period of Today.

What do you consider to be your biggest achievement for the day?

Over the course of today, I have succeeded in numerous ways. From getting up when my alarm went off and only hitting snooze twice, to remembering to bring my umbrella to work, I continue to impress myself with my forward-thinking. It is that foresight that brings me to my decision to complete my blog before heading out for a few drinks with friends. These achievements should not go unnoticed.

What do you consider to be your biggest challenge for the day?

Despite my best efforts, I could not muster the energy to make a proper dinner. I overcame this challenge by being creative and thinking outside of the box. I whipped up a healthy dinner that consisted of a box of crackers and Babybel cheese. All without incident. I completed the task efficiently and threw away all my trash, too. I feel this shows my ability to turn a problem into a solution.

Are there ways you could improve on your overall performance?

Um, I could probably have brushed my hair before work. That would have been an improvement. But, due to my aforementioned excellent problem solving skills, I tied up the gnarly mess into a sleek ponytail and made lemonade out of lemons. While I cannot guarantee this will not happen again, I have learned to find a way around it, thereby avoiding any negative consequences.

Are there any side-projects you have been working on that you are proud of and feel should be acknowledged?

It turns out, I have managed to develop a keen sense of hoarding in my spare time. While packing some things in my bedroom this evening (instead of taking a nap - note the dedication to my excellent work ethic), I discovered many empty Kate Spade boxes. Here's a small sample of my collection:

Much to my surprise, upon opening one of the boxes, I was reminded of my superior organizational skills:

More boxes!!! It is the dedication and commitment I've shown to hoarding these items that sets me apart from others and illustrates my exemplary record of compulsively holding on to seemingly unimportant items.

Where do you see yourself in 3 days?

Ideally, I will be the head of a major corporation by then. Oh wait, I'm actually busy that day. In fact, I'll be videoing a bunch of guys brewing beer (see blog coming on Sunday). But I am confident in my abilities to exceed my own expectations. I would not surprise myself at all if I manage to also eat some vegetables in that time period. And the only person standing in the way of me brushing my teeth every day is me. Though, I have no intention of inhibiting my personal and professional growth.

Finally, what grade would you give yourself on your performance throughout the course of the day?

I'm going to go ahead and give myself a strong A+. I worked hard, I'm about to play hard, and that balance is what keeps me in such high esteem in my peer group (according to me). I have no doubt that I aced this day. I succeeded where others would fail, and drove through diversity to achieve the eternal admiration of everyone around me.

I thank you for your time and consideration of my performance. I have no doubt you agree with every single thing I've said.